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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23045068">the stars will fall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/authormin/pseuds/authormin'>authormin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Author, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Chronic Illness, Everyone Is Soft For Chan, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hong Jisoo | Joshua &amp; Yoon Jeonghan Are Best Friends, Lee Chan | Dino is a Little Shit, Love Confessions, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Soft Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Writers, Yoon Jeonghan is Whipped, and so is jungkook lmao, charcter wise, editor, its basically every single idol ever, kind of very not medically accurate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:07:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23045068</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/authormin/pseuds/authormin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jisoo announces that he has a little less than a year to live, Jeonghan doesn’t know what to do. His first and only love of twenty-seven sad years is going to die?</p><p>That’s just not fair. </p><p>So Jeonghan does what he can to make Jisoo happy until he dies, by making him write a “bucket list” of sorts that Jeonghan can help him with. And on that list is Jisoo’s confession that he would like a boyfriend. </p><p>Jeonghan sees this as his last chance. Because it literally is. So he’s not going to screw this up.  He may never get the chance to say his true feelings, because that would be selfish. He can just act the part, with all the unrequited love, right? He can’t ruin it. </p><p> </p><p>Because they’re best friends. </p><p>Because this is the last thing that Jisoo can ask for. </p><p>Because this is the last thing that Jeonghan can ever give him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. it just takes one push</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi so im back w another fic! def gonna be a sad one. lets see how this goes,, </p><p>as for the summary: </p><p>TLDR - jisoo has been sick for his whole life and now he's dying and jeonghan makes him write a bucket list and jisoo says he wants a bf and jeonghan is OBVIOUSLy going to stay quiet, right? not. no he is NOT good day sir. </p><p>enjjyy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It takes every single drop of willpower left in Jeonghan’s body to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> drop the coffee mug in his hands onto the floor. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Jeonghan feels his ears ring and even though he’s sitting down, it feels like his knees are going to crumple from under him. There’s a strange shaking that brushes over his limbs and makes him tremble in his seat. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo sighs like he’s explaining why two plus two is four. The nonchalance in his actions and expression freaks Jeonghan out. “I said. I’m. Stopping. Treatment.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan resists the urge literally reach over the table and grab Jisoo up by the lapels of his coat. “Yeah. And if you do. You. Will. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Die</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan makes a face. “Wha- </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Am I the only one </span>
  <em>
    <span>hearing</span>
  </em>
  <span> this?” He looks around as if the other people in the cafe are going to start nodding in agreement. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In Jeonghan’s defense, they </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. I have about ten months to a year left.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but can we like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>backtrack</span>
  </em>
  <span> a bit? How is your doctor even letting this happen? Do I need to sue someone?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m twenty-seven and I’m sane. I’m allowed to choose to withhold treatment, especially when it’s doing nothing but stretching out my death. It hurts more and more every day, Jeonghan. Just putting on my clothes and coming this morning felt like hell.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> why you can’t stop treatment.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which is exactly why I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to.” Jisoo takes a sip of his tea (decaf, otherwise his head hurts) and blinks like he’s just announced that he’s going on a month long vacation to the Italian countryside. “I’m suffering, Jeonghan. I know I don’t like talking about it, but I trust you more than anyone. I wanted you to be the first one to tell you. I’m just thankful, Jeonghan. That you’ve stood by my side for nearly three decades. That you’ve sacrificed personal relationships for me. That you haven’t been able to really live your life out the way you want because you need to take care of me.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan feels his heart drop to his stomach. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo not -</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s not doing this because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him,</span>
  </em>
  <span> right?</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think that I’m going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>thanking</span>
  </em>
  <span> you for this?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, no, but still. I’m just thanking you.” Jisoo tilts his head and scrunches his brows in confusion. “Why is that a bad thing?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because! You’re making it sound like I did something </span>
  <em>
    <span>big</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that I sacrificed my </span>
  <em>
    <span>life </span>
  </em>
  <span>to take care of you! You’re doing it again; you’re blaming yourself for nothing. I’ve never felt obligated </span>
  <em>
    <span>once</span>
  </em>
  <span> in my life to stay by your side. I’ve never felt like I had to help you out of pity. I did that because I’m your best friend. Do you see me like that? You think I’m just doing this because I feel bad? Because I feel like I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to?” Jeonghan struggles to keep his voice down in the cafe - luckily, they’re in a booth and the walls don’t really echo. “I want to help you because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to. Not because I think you can’t or because you’re weak. That’s all I am to you? Someone who helps you because they think they should?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s expression turns sour. His mouth turns into a grimace and his eyes darken over like he’s about to punch someone. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jisoo?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for saying it like that. I don’t think you would be doing this out of pity. And I really do believe you when you say that this is just because you care for me. But I feel guilty too, you know. Watching your life slip past you. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> you don’t pity me. It doesn’t change the fact that there are some things you’ve had to sacrifice for me.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan stands up and picks up his mug. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Out of my own will.” Jeonghan grabs his jacket. “Talk to me when you realize that I make my own choices and helping you is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> considered a sacrifice.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-sorry,” Jisoo looks down at the table and fumbles around with his fingers. “I never thought of it like that. But you know it’s natural for me to feel this way.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan glares but he sighs and sets down his stuff. He’s still standing, so he takes the opportunity to ruffle Jisoo’s hair like he used to when they were younger. Jisoo doesn’t turn his head but the way his shoulders jump up before relaxing lets Jeonghan know it’s been too long since he last did it for it to feel natural. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dumbass.” Jeonghan lets out a fake annoyed huff. “There goes my dramatic exit.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Jisoo looks up this time, pouting with full intent of getting a laugh out of Jeonghan. “I’m not a dumbass.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan sits down. “I beg to differ.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> example.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“The fact that you’re stopping your treatment? For starters? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo smiles sadly. His eyes shine like he’s forcing his tears to stay inside. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan.” Jisoo bites his lip. “It just hurts so bad now. I can’t do it anymore. I’m not depressed or anything. I’ve thought this through. I don’t want to just stretch out my pain for longer. Please. You can’t tell me that this is the wrong decision. Don’t you think I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>? The weight of what I’m doing? I-”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan gets and and sits down in the seat next to Jisoo. While pulling him into a hug, Jeonghan feels disgusted with himself. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t want to lose Jisoo because he’s never even had the chance to confess his true feelings. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan is selfish. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Disgusting</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. You hear about Jisoo, I’m guessing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol places a cup of coffee down next to Jeonghan’s keyboard and leans on the desk divider. Jeonghan runs his finger over the hot handle and doesn’t pull away when his knuckles touch the burning cup. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels nice. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. How’d you know?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He told me that his next book was going to be his last one. I asked what he meant by that. He told me.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan closes his eyes. It’s been a week and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> can’t seem to accept reality. “I don’t know what to do. A part of me knows that Jisoo is rational and this honestly will save him another couple years of nothing but pain and suffering. But then the other part of me can’t let him </span>
  <em>
    <span>go</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Jeonghan looks up and Seungcheol, who’s expression remains as calm as ever. “Why do I love him?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol smiles and pulls Jeonghan’s hand off the cup. “It’s human nature to love. You can’t stop it. But I know you realize that you can’t tell Jisoo this is wrong. If it’s hurting you, imagine the weight </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> has to bear. Instead of making him feel bad, you should be doing everything you can in the next months to help him. Right?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan stays silent while he mulls it over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That -</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>genius</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seungcheol?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love your brain. Give it a kiss for me, okay?” Jeonghan rushes out of his seat and snatches his phone off the desk. He runs for the door, nearly knocking Seokmin’s cactus off the table on his way out. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha - hey, Jeonghan! Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonwoo!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. Do you think it’s stupid?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo blinks. “I mean, it’s not stupid. Honestly, I think it’s a really good idea. It’ll be good for both of you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan wrinkles his nose. “What do you mean? This is for Jisoo.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I think seeing him happy is going to help you accept that his decision was the right one. Sometimes, people just need to do the hard thing because it’s better for them in the long run.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. It’s not that I don’t understand.” Jeonghan can feel himself start to stare off into space again, with the pen in his hand spinning around his finger in a comforting rhythm. Wonwoo just waits patiently, until Jeonghan gathers his words again. “I just feel ripped off. I really thought I was going to be able to do it by now.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gives him a sympathetic chuckle. It’s more like a little puff of air than a laugh but his eyes still crinkle up at the corners like rumpled paper. “Yeah. Why haven’t you? Confessed, I mean. Why haven’t you confessed to him already? It’s not like it’s a secret. Jisoo’s probably the only one who doesn’t know.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan groans. “I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Wonwoo. To be honest? I kind of just thought that life would bring us together at one point. Being with him is more natural than breathing. We’re special to each other. I just </span>
  <em>
    <span>expected</span>
  </em>
  <span> something to happen on its own, I guess. And now too much time’s passed and I’m regretting the shit out of my life.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should tell him.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He could feel burdened. Since even if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> accept, we don’t have much time together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He could feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Since he would be leaving, </span>
  <em>
    <span>knowing</span>
  </em>
  <span> that someone wanted him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s unfair to both of us.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Life’s unfair.” Wonwoo looks down at his hands and twists his cufflinks around. His rare display of anxiety surprises Jeonghan. “Just do it before you can regret </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing it.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan gets up. His knees crack obnoxiously. “Mingyu’s gonna come around, you know. He’s just kind of stupid when it comes to stuff like this.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo glares at Jeonghan with a heat so intense that if humans could shoot lasers out of their eyes, Jeonghan would have been roasted into ash by now.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll gut you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan smirks. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>There </span>
  </em>
  <span>he is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. Why’d you want to meet for dinner?” Jisoo clasps his hands under his chin and leans forward with his eyes all wide and shiny. “I’m excited.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Jeonghan wrinkles his nose and feigns a confused face. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you’re not the type of person to act like something’s urgent.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well. I guess that’s true. But I just had something important to tell you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo sighs. His expression of relative happiness dissipates into one of worry. “If it’s about my treatm-”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is and it isn’t.” Jeonghan splays his fingers out on the table in between them and rhymically taps them onto the wood. “I want you to make a list of every single thing you want to do before you - before you - ”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan gulps. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have to leave</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Jisoo smiles gently and places one of his hands onto top of Jeonghan’s. “You want me to make a bucket list?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Jeonghan swallows the knot in his throat and hopes that Jisoo can’t feel the thudding of his heartbeat in the veins of his hand. “But the catch is that I’d be doing everything with you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan can’t look up. “Is that selfish of me? To want more time with you?” Jeonghan feels his breath stutter. “I know you’d want to spend time with everyone but I can’t help but feel like I want to steal you away from anyone who isn’t me.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan. C’mon. Look up.” Jeonghan does and sees that Jisoo’s smile is a bit smaller, but the wrinkles around his eyes have deepened. “I don’t think you’re selfish at all. It sounds like a good idea. Thank you. I’ll give you my list once I’m done making it.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan tries to keep his expression stable. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s a friend. </span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<ol>

</ol><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Friend. </span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, Jisoo. I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>On Wednesday morning, two days after Jeonghan had seen Jisoo in person, he finds a pale blue envelope on his desk with Jisoo’s scrawly and wide penmanship on it. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For Jeonghan</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan grins. It must be the list. He sets down his briefcase and takes a seat on his chair. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls the envelope open carefully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wants to be able to keep it, after. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The paper inside is thick and heavy; clearly meant for formal writing. Jisoo’s handwriting spills over the provided lines and flows around the paper, marked by arrows to point Jeonghan to the next sentence and X’s over the words he’s mispelled or taken out. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan thinks it’s cute. Jisoo hates writing in anything but pens, and yet he can barely write a paragraph without a slew of errors. He writes too fast to be able to process what he’s done wrong until it’s too late and he has to settle for white-out or ugly, crossed out phrases. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The set-up is a bit scattered, but Jeonghan’s used to Jisoo’s handwriting by now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a numbered list. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan reads it slowly. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li><em><span>I want to write one last book. A short story this time. I want Yoon Jeonghan to be the first reader this time, instead of the editor. It would mean more to me for it to be a surprise. </span></em></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>A visit to the countryside where my parents’ graves are. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>A trip to Lotte World. I want to go on the ferris wheel. At night. With cotton candy. It has to be strawberry flavored. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>Take an art class. Oil paint. I want to try making my own book cover this time with my own work. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>Eat whatever I want. Nothing in moderation and everything in excess. I demand the right to eat fatty foods. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>Take an overnight trip to the beach. And take a late night walk when I get there. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>See what it’s like to go to a flower field with a hill and then on top of that there’s a single tree that’s really big so I can sit under it and fall asleep there for a little nap and then I can go back to my little bed and breakfast room when I wake up. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>Find out what my favorite color is. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>Find a boyfriend. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span>Yoon Jeonghan is exempt from having to help me with Number 9. </span></li>
</ul><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan nearly crushes the paper in his hand. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Find a boyfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan thinks long and hard before he carefully places the letter into the envelope. He puts it in his desk drawer and laces his finger together in front of him. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a strange stillness about him, even though his heart feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He can’t blow this. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AM I HURTING MYSELF ALREADY W THIS FICCCCC YESS I AMMMMMMMMM</p><p>and HELL yes this is going to SO medically inaccurate i mean who am i kidding a chronic illness doesn't really work like that i think im aiming for something similar to a dEADly combination of anemia (which i have actually!! but its ok i deal w it since i just have to not bleed out and eat my ~irOn~) and congestive heart failure. i don't know how long it can take for someone to die with CHF because it kind of all depends on a number of factors. but also in this fic jisoo has an extremely compromsed immune system, which probably adds to it. Obviously Jisoo's anemia in this case is related to his chronic illness (anemia of chronic disease is what you can google to read more abt it) and so yeah um im not in med school (hopefully soon tho hehe) and my major isnt bio so sorry if this isn't completely right im sorry 😭😭</p><p> </p><p>ANWAYS thats it for today FOLKS I LOVEE U ALLLL !!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. swan-dive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is this list really it?” Jeonghan kicks his legs up against the couch’s armrest and lets his body fall onto the cushions under him. “It’s not as dramatic as I thought it would be.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo laughs from the dining room table where he’s setting up chips and beer cans on a platter. “What, did you think I’d want to try cocaine or something?” Jeonghan watches with upside-down vision as Jisoo grabs a chip out of the bowl. His teeth crunch against it loudly. “If I had written that, would you have done it with me?” </p><p>	Jeonghan rolls his eyes and blows a puff of air upwards to get a strand of hair out of his face. It falls right back onto his forehead. “Of course. A promise is a promise.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo walks over to the living room and sets the platter down on the sitting table in front of the TV. “You must really love me, huh. Risking your nose and your ability to walk around the nation as a free man.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan blinks. “Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>	It’s not a lie. Well, theoretically, it’s not a lie. </p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo laughs. “Alright, alright. Enough with the jokes. I know my list is lame, but I’ve never done those things before and I’d rather just have a peaceful time, okay? You said you wouldn’t judge.” Jisoo taps Jeonghan’s shoulder to get him to move his head. Jeonghan lifts up his neck and waits for Jisoo to sit before putting his head on top of Jisoo’s lap. </p><p> </p><p>	“I’m not.”</p><p> </p><p>	The silence that follows their awkward lull in conversation can’t be called pleasant. Jisoo lets out a small sigh. </p><p> </p><p>	“You look like you have a question, Jeonghan. What is it?” Jisoo’s voice is soft and Jeonghan feels himself start to sweat so he sits upright. </p><p> </p><p>	“Why did you choose now? To do this. I’ve accepted your decision, and I have no right to try and talk you out of your choice. I get that. But why right now?”</p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo shrugs. “It’s just never hurt me this bad up until now. Holding out for eight months - I’d be lucky to make it halfway through.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan looks down at his hands. “It kills me that I can’t take your pain away.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo looks like he’s thinking of words to respond with. Jeonghan lets him ponder it over. </p><p> </p><p>	“You know -” Jisoo stops abruptly, fidgeting with his fingers and messing with the hem of his shirt. “Um, it’s just that -”</p><p>	Jisoo pauses again and it looks like his eyes are going to pop out of his head with how much he’s struggling to form words. </p><p>	“Take your time, Jisoo.” </p><p>	Jisoo shakes his head and sucks in a deep breath. </p><p>“I want it to be spring when I die. I don’t want to die when it’s cold and gloomy and dark out. It’s why I didn’t stop treatment until now. October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May. Eight months. I want to at least be able to see the flowers bloom on trees.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan bites the inside of his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>He’s going to cry, probably. He turns his head to finally meet eyes with Jisoo, who’s starting to look a bit blurry through his tear-dotted lashes that clump together.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re killing me, Jisoo.” Jeonghan lets the tears fall.</p><p> </p><p>Jisoo’s lip starts to quiver as well, but he holds out better. Wrapping his arms around himself, Jisoo buries his chin into his knees and tucks himself into a little ball. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s not a funny joke, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan smiles. Tears slip into his mouth, onto his teeth, melting into his tongue and making him wince at the saltiness. </p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>-<br/>-</p><p>	“You know, I think number eight is doable today. Finding your favorite color.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo tsks with his tongue and taps his pencil against the table. “We’re here to edit my last interview. Stay focused.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan pulls the list out of his suit pocket and waves it around like a little flag. “C’mon, Jisoo. We can do this later. Let’s go out. Just say it’s research for your next book.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo laughs a bit and scrawls mindlessly on his little yellow notepad. “Really? Where would we go, anyways?”</p><p> </p><p>	“I don’t know, we could just walk around. Go into a flower shop. See if you like anything in there. Or a furniture store. Places with color, Jisoo. We’ll find something you like.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Okay, okay.” Jisoo closes his notepad and stretches his arms out. “Fine, fine. But you owe me lunch.”</p><p>	Jeonghan smiles and gathers his papers. “Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Huh. What a gentleman.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Nothing but the best for milady.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Oh, yuck.”</p><p> </p><p>-<br/>-</p><p>	Jeonghan and Jisoo decide to meet in twenty minutes at the entrance of the building, so they don’t have to cut through the parking lot in the basement to get out. </p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan gets there first, but it’s not a long wait before Jisoo walks down the halls. </p><p> </p><p>	“So, where to first?”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan looks down at his phone to check the time. 10:28. “Well actually, I have a friend who works at an art studio, so I was thinking we’d go down there. I figured we could find your favorite color and sign you up for art class. Numbers four and eight knocked out in one go.” </p><p> </p><p>	“Oh, really?” Jisoo swipes his chin like he’s running his fingers through an imaginary beard. “I’m gonna learn how to paint, huh? That’s fun.”</p><p> </p><p>	They start walking outside, and when the revolving door pushes open, a cold winter air greets them with a gust of wind to their faces. Jisoo’s scarf whips around his head and Jeonghan immediately feels the icy sting on his cheeks and nose. </p><p> </p><p>	“It’s within walking distance. We don’t need a car.” Jeonghan shoves his bare hands into his pockets and prays that the fleece lining of it will keep him warm. His fingers tangle with the car keys, a random lanyard, a couple of receipts, and a ball of string. Jisoo, on the other hand, takes out a pair of neatly folded wool mittens from his parka and slips them on. “Why do you wanna learn how to paint?”</p><p> </p><p>	Jisoo shrugs. “I don’t know. I wanted to fill the list out, but turns out I’m a pretty boring person. Also, I wanna try designing my own book cover.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Ooh. Sounds cool, actually. Jihoon’s been doing your designs up until now, right?”</p><p> </p><p>	“Yeah.” Jisoo laughs. A puff of visible breath escapes his lips mingles into the frosty air around them. “I hope he doesn’t take it to heart. I just want to do this at least once.”</p><p>	“I’m sure he’ll understand. If anything, it’ll free up his schedule more.” Jeonghan wriggles his fingers around to try and keep the blood circulating. “I bet he’d his free time to run circles around Seungcheol.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Aww, I feel bad for him. Seungcheol’s so blind to everyone’s feelings. He’s been like that since forever. Anyone who has a crush on him just gives up because he never notices.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess most people can’t tell if someone has a crush on them.” Jeonghan doesn’t slow down his walking but he looks at Jisoo’s expression through his peripheral vision. </p><p> </p><p>“Eh, I guess.” Jisoo rubs his hands together and looks at Jeonghan with utter obliviousness. “How much longer do we have to walk? It’s freezing.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan shivers. “Yeah. I don’t know why winter started early this year. And just two minutes. It’s right around the corner.”</p><p> </p><p>“Got it.” Jisoo quickens his pace. “Jeez, it’s cold.”</p><p>-<br/>-</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, welcome to K’s Atelier!” </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan and Jisoo close the door of the studio behind them, which rings with a little chime when it locks. They’re bombarded with the heavy scent of paint, clay, paper, and coffee. It’s actually pretty nice, and the warm heat that pours out of the room is ridiculously cozy. Someone comes up to them and stands with his hands clasped behind his back. </p><p> </p><p>The man who greets them is gorgeous  - </p><p> </p><p>And it’s definitely not Jeonghan’s friend. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh, h-hello.” Jeonghan tries to keep his confused expression hidden, but it’s kind of hard to keep his composure when God himself is staring him down. “I’m sorry, is Namjoon not in? I told him I’d be stopping by.”</p><p>The god laughs and Jesus Christ is it pretty. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, um, I think he meant that the place would be open, not that he would be in. You must be Jeonghan? I’m Taehyung. Namjoon’s off on a business meeting for the next month, so I’m running the place for him until then.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan doesn’t really hear what this guy is saying. </p><p> </p><p>Taehyung, as the god is well named, seems to just radiate some kind of light from within itself. He’s so good-looking that he can’t imagine anyone falling in love with Taehyung, because he’s just that untouchable. To be completely serious, Jeonghan wouldn’t even mind losing Jisoo to a guy like that. </p><p>Well, okay. </p><p>He’d mind. </p><p>But for the sake of pure exaggeration, Jeonghan will say it won’t.</p><p>“O-oh, um, that’s unexpected.” Jeonghan clears his throat and gently nudges Jisoo’s shoulder with his own. “We came down to sign him up for lessons. I know Namjoon teaches the beginner classes in oil painting.”</p><p>Taehyung gives them a delicate chuckle and motions at the counter. “I can still help you with all that stuff. I’m actually taking over all of his classes, so if you sign up right now, I’ll be your teacher. Namjoon sent me a text a couple of minutes ago, anyways, to say that an old friend was stopping by.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I see. Then, um, -” Jeonghan steps aside as if to put Jisoo into an imaginary spotlight. “It’s really up to him, then.”</p><p> </p><p>Taehyung turns his attention to Jisoo and gives him a dazzling smile, with his lips stretching from ear to ear. “You can fill your information out at the register, if you’d like.”</p><p> </p><p>Jisoo does something unexpected. </p><p> </p><p>He blushes. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan feels funny. He watches the slow bloom of red melt from Jisoo’s ears down to his neck and under the line of his jacket. Jeonghan’s stomach flips when Jisoo’s hand shakes a bit while he slips off his mittens and follows Taehyung up to the register. </p><p> </p><p>Jisoo doesn’t get flustered. </p><p>Sure, he can be a bit shy, but he doesn’t really get nervous around people. </p><p> </p><p>Jisoo doesn’t blush. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan realizes that Jisoo must think of Taehyung as attractive. </p><p> </p><p>Fuck. </p><p> </p><p>He’s practically delivered the love of his life right into an enemy’s hands on a silver platter with a flyer that reads, All You Can Eat! Here, Take It!</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, thank you.” Jisoo laughs a bit and takes the clipboard and pen that Taehyung hands him. “Um, so, do I just check off ...”</p><p> </p><p>The rest of Jisoo’s conversation with Taehyung dies out in Jeonghan’s ears. All he can concentrate on is the way Jisoo’s cheeks redden with every giggle, the way he jitters around his spot while Taehyung explains the classes, the way he rotates his ankle (an old nervous habit) when Taehyung sends him another one of his dazzling grins. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan finds himself walking up to the register before he can process what he’s doing. </p><p> </p><p>“I’d like to sign up for classes, too, please.” Jeonghan places his hands on the desk and taps the marble countertop erratically. “Whichever one Jisoo’s doing.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Jeonghan, I didn’t know you wanted to take art classes.” Jisoo gives him a confused look. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan panics for an excuse. “Uh, well, I told you that I’d do everything with you, so obviously I’m signing up.” Jeonghan lets out a little sigh and waves his arms just out of his own awkwardness. “So, um, got an extra clipboard?”</p><p> </p><p>Taehyung nods with wide eyes. “Uh, yes, yes, of course!” He gets one out from under the table and pushes it across the counter to Jeonghan. “Same class, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay! Wow, two new students, can’t wait!” Taehyung winks. “I think you guys are really gonna enjoy the class.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mhmm.” Jeonghan rubs his chin. “Sure. Of course.”</p><p>Jisoo nudges Jeonghan’s elbow. “Hey, let’s go to a cafe.”</p><p>“Okay.” Jeonghan bows one more time to Taehyung and feels his stomach flip again. “Let’s go. ”</p><p>-<br/>-</p><p>	“Not that I feel bad for you or anything, but um, do you wanna talk about it?” </p><p>	Jeonghan gives Wonwoo an awkward smile after his offer and feels a bit of pity when Wonwoo sighs in his seat. (Jeonghan’s in Wonwoo’s office again because he had received a text from Wonwoo stating how much he would enjoy throwing himself headfirst off of a bridge and so Jeonghan, to make sure that Wonwoo didn’t actually try to commit an irreversible action, came up to the room for a little chat.)</p><p> </p><p>	“No. Yes. I -”</p><p>	“I’ll make you some tea.” Jeonghan gets up from his seat and walks across Wonwoo’s office, where the electric water pitcher is. He takes a tea bag out of the box on the counter and pops a coffee pod into the Keurig machine for himself. Hazelnut. Not his favorite, but it’s the only one available. </p><p> </p><p>	“Thanks,” Wonwoo mumbles. “Sorry. For being lame right now.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan scoffs. “Don’t worry about it. You’re always lame.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Ha, ha. Fuck you.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Ha, ha. You wish.”</p><p>	“I’d rather die.”</p><p>	“Such harsh words,” Jeonghan murmurs. “Someone’s in a prissy mood.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Fu-” </p><p>	The whine of the electric pitcher cuts Wonwoo off, so Jeonghan just gets glared at while he makes his tea. The coffee for himself also finishes spilling into the cup under the nozzle and Jeonghan places both cups on a platter before taking it to Wonwoo’s desk. </p><p> </p><p>	“So. Speak to me. What happened this time?” Jeonghan takes his cup and balances himself on the corner of Wonwoo’s desk. </p><p>	“I just found out that he asked Jinyoung out. Or the other way around. I don’t really remember.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Park?” Jeonghan takes a sip of his coffee. Bleh. Hazelnut. “The guy from the other legal team?”</p><p> </p><p>	“Yeah.” Wonwoo places his palms around his cup and breathes in deeply. “I just - I knew he didn’t like me and I kept liking him. I knew he didn’t. Why’d I do this to myself? Why do I make myself sad? For fuck’s sake. This is like my fourth guy I’ve liked and couldn’t do anything about it. I’m on a masochistic self-destructive streak, I guess. It’s really healthy for me, I think, to constantly be rejected. It must be my dad’s fault. Ugh. Fuck.”</p><p>	“Your dad?”</p><p>	“No, no, he was a great dad.” Wonwoo digs his palms into his eyes. “Just. Whatever.”</p><p>	Jeonghan sets his cup down, careful to avoid any papers or files. He clasps his fingers together and sniffles, just to try and break the silence. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Wonwoo. Mingyu’s a nice person. You liked a nice person. It’s not anyone’s fault.”</p><p>	“Hey, Jeonghan?”</p><p>	“That’s me.”</p><p>	“What if Jisoo actually goes through with every single thing on his list and finds a boyfriend that isn’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan smiles, but he can feel that it’s a sad one. “I wouldn’t stop him. I want him to be happy.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Yeah.” Wonwoo leans against his chair and lets out a breath. “Okay. I’ll pretend I believe you.”</p><p>	“Hey! What do you mean, pre -”</p><p>	There’s a knock on the door. “Hello? Wonwoo, are you in?”</p><p>	Jeoghan’s head whips over to Wonwoo’s who’s eyes suddenly open wide. Wonwoo holds up a finger to his mouth to tell Jeonghan he should stay quiet, while he sets down his cup on his desk and frantically hops around. </p><p> </p><p>	“What are you doing?” Jeonghan hisses, confused as to why Wonwoo is silently jumping around the room like he’s got a snake in his pants. </p><p> </p><p>	“Shhh!” Wonwoo freezes in the middle of the room. Jeonghan’s about to say something when the door handle starts to turn. “I’m not here, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>	“Wonwoo!” Jeonghan says in a harsh whisper. He’s ready to tell Wonwoo to please get himself together when Wonwoo swan-dives for the floor behind one of the sofa’s. </p><p> </p><p>	“Uh, hi.” Mingyu steps into the room and closes the door behind him. “Jeonghan. Hey. Do you know where Wonwoo is?”</p><p>	Jeonghan clears his throat. He’s standing in this weird, half-bent position  with his torso turned towards the back of the room. “Huh. Um. That’s a mystery to me as well, I guess. Do you want me to give him a message for you?”</p><p>	“Uh, no, I can wait.” Mingyu hums and looks around the rooms. “Um, are you waiting to te-”</p><p> </p><p>	Mingyu’s wandering gaze is glued to the floor. </p><p> </p><p>	Specifically, the part of the floor behind the sofa. Jeonghan takes a peak. </p><p> </p><p>	Wonwoo’s entire lower half is sticking out. Fuck, </p><p>	Really, Wonwoo? There’s a coat closet literally two steps away.</p><p>	“Uh, Wonwoo?” Mingyu’s laugh sounds weird. There’s no response. “Hey, Wonwoo?”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan sticks his arm out, preventing Mingyu from stepping closer. “Uh, um! He's just taking a nap. Just, it’s best to leave him.”</p><p> </p><p>	“But weren’t you just looking for him earlier, too?”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan blinks. Huh. What is he, a fucking detective? “Oh, you know, I just didn’t want you to disrupt him, sorry. He likes the hardness of the floor when he naps, you know? Like, it’s firm. Have you felt the mattress he has in the house? God, it’s like a rock. Can’t relax at all. Rock, rock, rock. Rocky.”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan finishes his little speil with a little air punch, loosely throwing his fist into the air. Mingyu takes a step back. </p><p> </p><p>	“Uh, you know what his mattress feels like?” </p><p>	Jeonghan is torn between asking Mingyu why that’s the part he decided to question and finding out why he cares. </p><p> </p><p>	Yeah. Jeonghan just wants to know why he cares. </p><p>	“Y-yeah, I do, why?” Jeonghan kind of cocks his shoulder and tries to put his hand against an armchair behind him, but he misses and nearly collapses onto the floor. </p><p>	“Huh? Oh, nothing, I just -” Mingyu flaps his hands around. “I didn’t think you two were dating.”</p><p>	Jeonghan smiles. “We aren’t.”</p><p>	“Oh? Oh, yeah. Okay.” Mingyu shakes his head. “Right.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Yeah, but I am in the middle of trying to set him up with someone. Do you know anyone? Maybe in your department, or something, I don’t know -”</p><p>	“Um actually, I don’t think I know anyone right now who’s available.” Mingyu clasps his hands together but Jeonghan sees how he fidgets a bit. Oh.</p><p> </p><p>	This is kind of fun. </p><p> </p><p>	“Aw, bummer. Well. I guess it’s up to me, then. I just - I want him to have a boyfriend,  you know? He’s been through a lot in the past. And, you know, you didn’t hear this from me -” Jeonghan motions for Mingyu to come closer and leans in conspiratorially. “- but I’ve known him for a long time. He’s had his heart broken a lot. I don’t want that to happen again, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>	“L-like how?”</p><p>	Jeonghan shrugs as nonchalantly as he can. “Oh, you know. He’s put all his effort into the people that he likes just to get rejected, or like, the other guy wasn’t upfront with his feelings and it made Wonwoo struggle with feeling like his crush was valid. Or sometimes people just didn’t get the hint and Wonwoo would be left high and dry. Stuff like that. It hurts me as a friend, who just cares so much, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>	Mingyu nods. “Yeah. That’s really not good, huh.” Mingyu straightens himself out. “I’ll head out, and um, can you not tell him that I stopped by? Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>	When Mingyu leaves, the first thing that Wonwoo does is let out a small scream. </p><p> </p><p>	“Jeonghan. What the fuck is wrong with you!” Wonwoo staggers onto his knees and grabs his hair. “Fuck, fuck! That was so humiliating!”</p><p> </p><p>	“Jeez, I’m not the one who chose the floor to hide on. Dumbass.”</p><p> </p><p>	“Mingyu’s gonna think I’m a fucking loser.”</p><p>	“Or -”</p><p>	“Or? There’s an “or” in this situation?”</p><p>	“Let me finish, plea-suh.” Jeonghan clears his throat. “Or. It’s obvious that he’s kind of into you. Just - do what he does to you, back to him. Talk about other guys. Complain about not having a boyfriend. Ask him for advice on how you should confess to someone. I’ll get you one fake date. You can ask him which tie you look better in. He does all this to you. Just do it back. If he gets jealous, then you’ll know that the interest isn’t one-sided.”</p><p>	“I hate myself for so many reasons.”</p><p>	“That’s a bit much.” Jeonghan smiles. “There should only be one, and that one reason is called a mirror.”</p><p>	“Do you understand how much I want to bite your finger right now? Because I don’t think you do.”</p><p>	“Strange choice of body part. I would’ve picked the throat. But I’ll bite -hey! That’s funny.” Jeonghan laughs at his own joke while Wonwoo deadpans. Jeonghan collects himself.  “What’s one reason, Wonwoo?”</p><p>	“I kinda want to go through with this.”</p><p>	“Yeah, I figured.” Jeonghan gets ready to leave. “Being childish never hurts, you know.”</p><p>	“Get out.”</p><p>	“Sure thing, baby.”</p><p>	Jeonghan laughs when he hears Wonwoo let out a fake vomiting noise. </p><p> </p><p>-<br/>-</p><p>	Jeonghan and Jisoo stand in the doorway of the classroom, unsure of whether or not it’s the right one. </p><p> </p><p>	Because it’s full of old people. </p><p> </p><p>	“Uh, Jeonghan? Do you think this is what Taehyung meant by fun?”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan gulps and talks out of the side of his mouth like Jisoo did. “Yeah. I feel like I’m gonna get eaten up.”</p><p> </p><p>	Twenty sets of old-people eyes and old-people necks turn to face Jeonghan and Jisoo, who are still stuck in the same, half-bent position they were two minutes ago. </p><p>	Something is placed in the middle of Jeonghan’s and Jisoo’s head, and they both let out an embarrassingly loud scream at the feeling of something on their shoulders. When Jeonghan turns around, he sees Taehyung giggling at them. </p><p>	“Don’t be shy, introduce yourselves!” Taehyung steps past them and into the room. “Hello, everyone, we have two new students joining us today!”</p><p> </p><p>	Jeonghan gulps. An old woman who is clearly on the verge of not existing lets out a shrill laugh. “Ah, Taehyung, you’ve done it again! The eye candy in this room is almost unbearable!” Her friends laugh with her and she fans herself with exaggeration. Her obnoxiously large floral necklace swings around with every back-and-forth of her arms. </p><p>	“Yes, yes I have.” Taehyung does a little bow. “And now, they’ll introduce themselves!” Taehyung points at Jisoo and Jeonghan and smiles with an expression that says, speak, dammit. </p><p>	“Uh, I’m Jeonghan. I’m an editor. I joined this class to destress.” Jeonghan clears his throat and sweater that he’s wearing starts to feel awfully prickly against his skin. </p><p> </p><p>	“And I’m Jisoo! I’m a wr-” Jisoo catches himself. He keeps the fact that he’s an author (and a pretty popular one at that) a secret, but Jeonghan’s still not sure why. “I work in publishing.”</p><p>	“Yes, yes, now. Let’s get situated, everyone! Today, we’ll be going over -”</p><p>	Jeonghan’s ears start to ring. </p><p>	Jisoo’s smiling. </p><p>	At Taehyung. </p><p>	And Taehyung’s smiling back. </p><p>	Jisoo’s blushing. </p><p>	Because of Taehyung. </p><p>	And Taehyung’s blushing back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>let the ANGST BEGIN weofjOPIWJOIFJ wooHOOOWOOWOWOWO </p><p>im excited for the HURT </p><p>anyways, quarantine sucks. but please. PLEASE. just stay inside and stay safe. again, it's not only to protect you, it's to prevent the spread of it to others. it's not the time to be selfish rn. it SUCKS but maybe look at the positive side of things. Read, write, play/learn an instrument, study, cook, watch netflix, etc. it's just better to be safe rn. </p><p>I hope everyone enjoys the chapter and thank you so much for reading! </p><p>stay safe!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. cpr but on a plant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>god will i EVER be good at making decent chapter titles? probably not.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Oh, Jeonghan! Hey!” Seokmin crosses his arms and leans against his desk divider with an expression sleazy enough that Jeonghan shudders. “How’d art class go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan throws his folder on top of his keyboard and groans. “I’m gonna blow my brains out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin’s smile drops and he gives Jeonghan a sympathetic grimace. “Ooh. That bad, huh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I basically watched Jisoo and Taehyung, who is </span>
  <em>
    <span>clearly the human embodiment Adonis</span>
  </em>
  <span>, flirt their pants off for two hours. Did you know that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jisoo has honey-caramel brown eyes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>nyah, nyah, nyah</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Jeonghan pulls a face and flaps his arms around in mockery. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung’s annoying because technically, he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> annoying, which just makes him even </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> annoying.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dude, that sucks. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want your </span>
  <em>
    <span>pity, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mr. I-suck-face-with-my-husband-”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fiance</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Seokmin corrects.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will rip your face off, Seokmin, don’t fucking test me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, did you swap bodies with Wonwoo or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan is going to blow his brains out and he’s going to do it on Seokmin’s desk, probably. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Mr. Yoon, do you need anything? I’m stopping by accounting right now, so if you need to hand anything off that floor, I can do that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan’s perky little head pops up behind Jeonghan’s computer screen and he sets his fingers on the top of the monitor like a little bunny. His eyes are wide like he’s practically </span>
  <em>
    <span>begging</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jeonghan to hand him a packet or something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan thinks. “The advertising department is down there, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you just, um, drop this on the floor in front of Mingyu’s office?” Jeonghan whips out a piece of paper and his phone. He opens up his phone and goes into his contacts, scrolling as fast as he can until he reaches the name he wants to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jooheon. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan scrawls the name and number down on the paper as fast as he can and hands it to Chan. Then under it, he writes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>for Wonwoo</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a neat script. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, you want me to just? Put it on the floor? In front of Mingyu’s office?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan motions for Chan to lean in closer. “I’m trying to set two people up. Just, keep this between us, okay? Also, drop it casually. Like, oops. I dropped it. Casually. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Smoothly</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Got it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan takes the paper. “So just. Casual. Like. Real casual.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Like, just, </span>
  <em>
    <span>whoops</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just drop it. Like, keep walking after you drop it. All casual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“So like, just, don’t even look back. Just keep walking. Just </span>
  <em>
    <span>drop</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. Casual.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao rolls his chair all the way up to Jeonghan’s desk from across the room, and places an arm on Jeonghan’s shoulder. Jeonghan, Chan, and Minghao make three-way eye contact, and they kind of just sit there staring at one another until Jeonghan blinks and asks, “Yes, Minghao?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Minghao responds with a, “Uh, whatever you guys are on, I’ll take two.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Jeonghan kicks Minghao’s chair all the way back to his seat, except the chair, due to the uneven balance of Minghao’s body weight, decides to spring left right into Seokmin’s desk, which in turn, knocks over the orchid plant that had been resting on the divider’s ledge for the last two months, and when it lands on the floor, Chan, Jeonghan, and Minghao all feel the same death drop in their stomachs and at the same time, so they all leap for the orchid plant in perfect synchronization, and so three grown men start shovelling dirt into the pot, but then after that, Chan realizes that all the white fertilizer beads are still on the carpet so the three grown men start picking the fertilizer beads one by one out of the fabric carpet and then Seokmin, bless his poor motherfucking heart, walks into the room the exact moment Minghao tries to stand up but then he knocks his head against the desk and the orchid plant falls </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan blinks with a handful of slightly damp soil dripping onto his shirt. “Uh -”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s fine.” Seokmin turns around. “Just - yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minghao clears his throat. “Hmm. Seems like good soil. Lots of um. Moisture. And. The roots. Very healthy. Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Jeonghan says. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Yoon, I did it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s on his way into the break room when Chan scurries up to him with a happy smile on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you take the stairs or something? Why’re you so out of breath?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm? Oh, yeah. The elevator’s broken right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Must be nice to be young.” Jeonghan makes a face when his calves start tingling as if he made the five-floor run himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay. Now. Who’s the guy, Mr. Yoon? I don’t think a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jooheon</span>
  </em>
  <span> works here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan looks up from his phone. “Oh, just someone who owes me a favor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Yoon. Do you work for the mafia or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wha- </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>? No! Of course no! Jeez, Chan,” Jeonghan laughs while sending his text off to Jooheon. “Why would I be in the mafia?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan tilts his head and sticks his tongue out like he’s studying Jeonghan. “You know, I can totally see it. If you had like, long blonde hair, and like, random scars and stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. Well. I’m gonna go out for a smoke.” Jeonghan grabs his jacket. He doesn’t really smoke often; maybe five or six times a month at most. He doesn’t like the taste, for one thing, and the other is that Jisoo hates it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Except, Mafia Yoon probably prefers cigars.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Those bulky-ass sticks? No, thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmph. Well. It’s my imagination.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. Go see if Seungcheol needs anything.” Jeonghan ruffles Chan’s hair on the way out. “And don’t forget, it’s a secret. Keep those lips locked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes sir! Mr. Yoon Jeonghan, sir!” Chan does a mock salute and Jeonghan gives him a laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeez. Kids sure are nice, aren’t they?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not that I’m not incredibly happy to see you right now, but why’re you here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan yawns while he holds his door open with his shoulder. Jisoo scoffs jokingly and rubs his hands against his jacket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It hasn’t even been a week and you forgot already? Saturday morning? Ten sharp? Art class?” Jisoo shoos Jeonghan away so he can get into the apartment. “Is any of this ringing a bell?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s initial happiness at being surprised with a visit from Jisoo disappears like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He doesn’t really want to go to a private show of Taehyung and Jisoo knocking wrists and furtive glances. “Oh. Right. Um, yeah. Let me just get ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t sound happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to push yourself to come, Jeonghan. I’m fine. Besides, Taehyung’s really nice, anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then go date him.” Jeonghan kind of freezes. He meant for that to be more of a mumble under his breath, but it comes out louder than intended. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo looks hurt for a second before brushing it off with a quick laugh. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan bites back a groan. “N-nevermind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo flushes. Jeonghan’s nervous because yeah, Jisoo has every right to be angry but he doesn’t like when Jisoo yells. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was it that obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan blinks. “Wh-what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo lets out a little whine and cups his face with his hands, grabbing at his cheeks in embarrassment. “Aw, man!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan frowns. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wait. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Jisoo </span>
  <em>
    <span>meant</span>
  </em>
  <span> that? Sure, Jeonghan got jealous, but it wasn’t like </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh, I’m getting someone away</span>
  </em>
  <span>, more like a, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’d rather not imagine anything further</span>
  </em>
  <span>, kind of thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Jisoo, you actually like him?” Jeonghan struggles to keep the bewilderment out of his voice. “You like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Taehyung, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the art instructor you’ve known for </span>
  <em>
    <span>five </span>
  </em>
  <span>days?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-well, yeah, I thought that’s what you meant.” Jisoo lets out a nervous giggle. “I mean, I don’t think it’s enough to say I </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, but I definitely, you know, like him. He’s fun. And really handsome. And he talks really nicely. I don’t know. I’m not gonna </span>
  <em>
    <span>pursue</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, but it’s nice to dream.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s never talked about anyone like this before. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels like a knife cutting through Jeonghan’s heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-eah. Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, you’re crying!” Jisoo scrambles up to Jeonghan and grabs the box of tissues on the kitchen table and rips out a couple of sheets. “What’s wrong!”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan slowly brings up his finger to his cheek and just as Jisoo said, he’s crying. It doesn’t take long for Jeonghan’s tears to hit his lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I don’t know.” Jeonghan takes the tissues from Jisoo. “I guess I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> tired.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? You don’t have to come with me today if you don’t want to.” Jisoo gives Jeonghan another tissue when the ones he’s holding get soaked through. “You should rest. Or actually, would you rather talk about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan smiles. “No. Really. I have nothing to talk about. Wait like, ten minutes. I just need to get dressed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Jisoo doesn’t push. “Um. Yeah. Dress warm. It’s kind of cold outside.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive to the art studio is awkward, if not uncomfortable. Jisoo doesn’t push for more answers and Jeonghan sits in the passenger’s seat, thankful that Jisoo’s decided to drop the topic of him crying earlier. The flashes of sunlight that burst through the car every once in a while keeps Jeonghan awake. Even with closed eyes, he can see the red swirl behind his lids like neon paint. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jisoo pulls into the parking lot, Jeonghan clears his throat and starts to get out. Jisoo’s still quiet, all the way into the building. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung’s there to greet them. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo! Jeonghan! Hey, welcome back!” Taehyung smiles and opens up his arms like he’s about to take a bow. “Right through here, please. The usual classroom is used for a kid’s morning art class. They’re doing watercolor flowers today, I think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo smiles. “Aw, that must be so cute.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is! And some of them have real talent. Not to say they all don’t, but you know.” Taehyung winks like it’s some kind of inside joke and Jisoo does his nervous, fluttery laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo answers with a, “Oh, yeah of course!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan suppresses an eye roll. It’s not even that funny. He follows them silently into the other classroom, which is actually a bit bigger than the original one.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, by the way, I have an extra ticket to the movie’s today. My friend and I were supposed to go, but his girlfriend’s making him take them out on a date. You know how it goes. So I was wondering if you’d like to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay. That kind of snaps Jeonghan out of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s steps falter a bit and he starts wiggling his fingers like he can’t sit still. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to say yes! Really, I don’t want to impose. But I’ve just, I don’t know. I kinda feel like you’d be fun to get to know better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s red like crazy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah. You too.” Jisoo looks up and turns around like he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> realizing that Jeonghan’s in the room, too. “Oh! J-Jeonghan, I forgot that we were-”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan takes a seat and gives his best playful smirk. He’s sure that his mouth is curved weirdly. Taehyung’s cautious expression pisses Jeonghan off. He’s still not doing this on purpose, which gives Jeonghan no real justification to get angry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mind me, folks. Go, Jisoo. I’ll just call Wonwoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-Wonwoo! Right. Yeah. Thank you.” Jisoo deflates like the pressure inside of him has been pushed out. Taehyung also lets out a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great, thank you, Jeonghan, I’m really sorry, I didn’t know you guys had plans today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan holds up a hand to stop Taehyung from going on. “Dude, calm down. It’s just lunch. I have other friends, you know.” Jeonghan’s careful to keep his voice in a joking tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taehyung laughs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even his laugh is perfect. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please stab me through the eye with this fork.” Jeonghan holds out said utensil and Chan (who ended up tagging along because Jeonghan and Wonwoo had run into him on the street) frowns. He takes the fork from Jeonghan and sets it back down onto the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Yoon, don’t make jokes like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan fakes glares at Chan over the top of his menu. “I’m sorry, if you’re not going to support my impulses, we can’t be friends. Also, stop calling us “misters”. I don’t know about Wonwoo, but you have me feeling old, you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s drink dribbles past his lips and Jeonghan’s elbows knock against the table. Chan’s eyes widen and immediately claps his hands over his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan clears his throat. “I’m not thirty yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! Of course, I’ll call you hyung! I mean, you’re only ten years older than me! H-hyung! Jeonghan hyung! Wonwoo-hyung! Oh, I really didn’t mean to be di-”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo cackles. “God. You know, Seungkwan and Hansol were throwing the word “hyung around” thirty minutes into meeting us? You’re not being rude at all, Chan. Chill. Go pick what you’re gonna order.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan flushes. “Y-yes, okay. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan browses his menu rather mindlessly. “By the way, why were you wandering the streets by yourself? Are you shopping for something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan keeps his eyes on the menu but answers quickly. “I felt bad for murdering Seokmin sunbae’s plant the other day so I wanted to see if I could find something similar in a flower shop.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, I think your innocence and purity is </span>
  <em>
    <span>killing</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. Like, my blood is literally trying to purge my sins.” Jeonghan shudders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chan just grins sweetly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want us to go with you?” Wonwoo asks Chan, who’s heading in the opposite direction for the flower shop. “We could help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really, it’s okay. My friend actually works there, so I’m probably gonna hang with him after.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan waves. “Okay. Bye then! See you Monday!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. See you Monday!” Wonwoo waves as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye!” Chan bows, smiles, and then runs off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan sighs. “I wish I were him. Free from the chains of despair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo rolls his eyes and starts walking. “Shut up. Also, why’d you </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> call me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t play dumb, Jeonghan. What’s stressing you out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you referring to the fact that the love of my life is currently on a date with the most handsome fucking guy on earth, </span>
  <em>
    <span>or</span>
  </em>
  <span>, could you talking about the fact that I gave your number to my friend so that you guys could fake date for a little because he owes me a favor?” Jeonghan kind of rushes the last part out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo stops in his tracks. “You did </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Don’t worry, Jooheon’s really chill. And he owes me a favor! He didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>question</span>
  </em>
  <span> me, he’s a good guy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any guy who goes along with this kind of plan is a fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>weirdo,</span>
  </em>
  <span> is what they are!” Wonwoo’s seething. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ha. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s fun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan shakes his head nonchalantly. “Whatever. It’s not even fake dating. Just, you can use him to make Mingyu jealous. Which he is. Because I’m not blind and deaf.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, you’re being ridiculous! Do you ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>hear</span>
  </em>
  <span> yourself talk sometimes? Huh? Or is it like, you’re just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> you can’t even hear what’s wrong with your ideas?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan shrugs. “Eh. Stop overthinking everything. I promise. It’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo comes to a sudden halt in the middle of the street, and Jeonghan ends up bumping into him with his shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Wonwoo, what the hell-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything’s gonna be fine, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo and Taehyung are walking from somewhere, laughing together and standing just a bit </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> close for it to be friendly. Jisoo’s ears are red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan clears his throat and turns around, already starting to walk in the other direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah man, whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hehHHEHEHHE heheheheh HEHE </p><p>no one: <br/>my brain: buT wHAt if thEY wERe jeALoUs ???</p><p>anyways rpsidjfKJSDLFJ ok this fic is gonna be so sad to finish i don't even wanna think about it but like i have to and like - sdfjL;JIWJEIFJ okoksflkjw</p><p>"blood will have blood" will update tomorrow!! check if out if you'd like :) !! </p><p>as always, thank you all so much for the support and love. i freaking love all of you. mwah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. an argument ensues</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hey evreryone! im back to updating on a regular schedule !!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jeonghan is in the middle of dreaming about walking with Jisoo down an endless field of flowers and smiling at something stupid when someone knocks at his door. It’s so loud that he can hear the knuckles of whoever’s responsible for this </span>
  <em>
    <span>crime</span>
  </em>
  <span> against his ears hit the door, like little cracks before the thumps. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan throws his blankets off of him, before mumbling out a string of unintelligible curses under his breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t remember making plans with anyone, so there’s no guess of who’s behind the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo, maybe? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Took long enough, loser.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan glares as Wonwoo stumbles his way into the apartment, kicking off his shoes and making his way to the couch. He drops a bag onto the coffee table in front of it and cans of beer, various pastries, and other bags of chips spill out and find themselves falling to the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonwoo. I’ve seen you too much this week.” Jeonghan yawns as he walks out of the entrance area, making his way to the bathroom. Might as well get ready for the day. “Give me ten minutes to wash up and then you can cry about your life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not here to cry about my life!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t drink unless you’re feeling sad for yourself.” Jeonghan fights back another yawn and motions generally to the clump of beer cans rolling around on the table. “It’s like nine in the morning, I’d wait for after dinner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s one in the afternoon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Jeonghan sniffles. “Fuck you, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Jeonghan says, stretching out his arms while reaching down to grab a red bean pastry out of the bag on the coffee table. “What happened? You usually only bitch when you’re in the office.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gives Jeonghan a scathing glare but doesn’t bite back. “I did something stupid last night. I hope I’m talking to friend Jeonghan before I continue and not Queen Bitch Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan rolls his eyes but he throws himself down on the couch,  propping his legs up on Wonwoo’s thighs and putting his head on the armrest. “Fine, fine. Seriously though, what happened? It’s not like you to drink so early in the day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know how I get really reckless when I drink? Like, that one time we went out -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The one time we went out and you ended up grinding on top of a couple of guys in the side booths and went home with one of them and then the next morning he somehow chased you down at work because you had drunkenly thrown a bunch of business cards at him as a goodbye the night before and so he knew where you worked and so he came all the way to your office and declared his undying love for you and then started crying when security came and tried to throw him out so you felt bad and said sorry but you just don’t feel the same and then he started crying even harder and said he had AIDS and so you got tested even though you used protection but then it turns out he was just lying because he was angry that you didn’t love him back, which, when you thnk about it, is a pretty fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>psychotic</span>
  </em>
  <span> move, but then you </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> have AIDS so we, and by we, I mean your </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>, could only laugh about it? Yeah, I remember.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo looks like he wants to simultaneously beg for death and kill Jeonghan at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>meant</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the time when I got tipsy at the company outing last year and adopted a cat, but sure. Let’s go with that example,” Wonwoo sighs with a sad look on his face. “I mean, I didn’t do anything to </span>
  <em>
    <span>either</span>
  </em>
  <span> of those scales, but I just -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Had a one night stand? I could tell. You’ve got hickies down the side of your neck, by the way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, first of all, stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>interrupting</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and second of all, uh,” Wonwoo blinks. “Uh, yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you at least feel any better?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo groans miserably. “Not even a little bit. I don’t know how you do it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, it’s not like I do it a lot, just, you know, whenever the timing works out. And honestly, everytime it happens I just wish it was with someone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a small pause while Wonwoo lets out a thin sigh that sounds nasally. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are we so pathetic?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, relationships happen because someone confesses. If Jisoo’s not gonna do it, then you have to. Nothing’s going to come from the fact that you're just bottling up your feelings. And that Taehyung guy, I mean, someone’s going after him only because you aren’t. And I’m just scared. Of Mingyu. He’s too nice to reject me rudely, but it’d be easier if he made it clear that he’s not into me that way so I can wallow by myself and get over it. But I can’t stop clinging to him. Or at least the idea that I could be with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We are pathetic, Wonwoo. But it’s not fair to say that it’s because we’re scared of the prospect of a relationship. Timing matters too, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay, fine. In my case, that’s a legitimate excuse. Mingyu and I don’t really </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> outside of work. But for you? Jeonghan, you’ve had your whole life to turn into something more and you just never took advantage of your closeness.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The ti-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up about the timing. Your excuse every time is because you wouldn’t want to stress Jisoo out, but dude, he’s literally throwing himself at Taehyung because he wants to be with someone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan rolls his eyes and finishes off his pastry. “If you say Taehyung’s name one more time I </span>
  <em>
    <span>might</span>
  </em>
  <span> lose it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo leans over his seat and grabs a can of beer, cracking it open before taking a quiet sip. “It’s lukewarm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo and Jeonghan laze around for most of the day, watching whatever shitty TV show plays in the background. It’s some kind of historical drama and right now there’s a guy getting wine thrown in  his face and getting called a traitor and it’s just all too cliche to be enjoyable, but not bad enough that Jeonghan wants to look for something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They mostly stay quiet while they relax, comfortable in each other’s silence enough to just enjoy the time passing by. It’s not until Jeonghan feels a pang of hunger when he realizes that it’s dinner time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to order in? I don’t feel like cooking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo blows air out of his mouth and pats his stomach like it’s a pet. “Sure. What do you want to eat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dunno. Chicken?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go for it. Spicy chilli for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have stupid taste buds.” Jeonghan makes a face. It’s not that he can’t handle his spice, but, the place they usually order from is famous for their chilli sauce and how much it can make someone curse. Wonwoo eats it drumstick after drumstick like it’s nothing, though. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo says it’s because he’s dead inside and so nothing else can hurt him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan has to agree.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up. And get more beer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We h-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sad. Get more beer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan pulls his phone out and starts putting in his order into the phone. Wonwoo goes back to laying down on the floor and watching the drama, laughing or making sounds of disappointment once in a while. Jeonghan’s about to doze off until the food comes when Wonwoo lets out a surprised curse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I bit into the strawberry pastry and the jam came out.” Wonwoo turns around and sucks on his thumb. There’s a giant glob of pastry filling dripping sadly down his white cotton tee. “Do you have a shirt I could borrow?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, wait here,” Jeonghan doesn’t miss the opportunity to insult him. “Clumsy bitch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You act like I </span>
  <em>
    <span>won’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> try to bite you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. If that’s what you’re into.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The </span>
  <em>
    <span>shirt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan comes back from his room with the first shirt he could find, an old college tee in a faded blue color. He also brings a clump of napkins over from the dining room before handing off the items to Wonwoo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s wiping his shirt off when the doorbell rings, and Wonwoo looks up, surprised. “Didn’t you just put the order in like two seconds ago?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan stands up. “Yeah, how’d they get here so fast?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan walks over to the entrance to open the door and sees that it’s not a young teen dressed in a chicken takeout restaurant uniform holding a bag with his order, but rather, a very dressed-down Jisoo shivering with a scarf wrapped around his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, thank God you’re home.” Jisoo steps inside and Jeonghan closes the door before following Jisoo in. “I just had - oh, h-hey, Wonwoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo stands in the middle of the living room, t-shirt wrapped awkwardly around his neck and arms, torso fully exposed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo sees the full damage that had been done to him last night by his mystery man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiss marks and bruises in the shape of fingerprints litter the front of his chest, and a literal bite mark right below his rib cage. Jeonghan briefly wonders how the guy even got his teeth to wrap around Wonwoo’s skin like that, but decides that it’s best to not question it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, hey.” Wonwoo struggles a bit but shoves the shirt on in a hurry. “Sorry, I didn’t think I’d get stuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s eyes are wide. “Your front - are you -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo gasps and grabs his face in embarrassment. “Fuck, I forgot. Pretend like you didn’t see, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo nods. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s after dinner in a flash, and Jeonghan’s consciously aware of the fact that Jisoo’s sitting next to him, with a cup of warm tea in hand. Wonwoo had to leave to feed his cat, but Jisoo said he was okay with staying and so Jeonghan’s just sitting there like a russian nesting doll, frozen and refusing to move. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo breaks the silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and Wonwoo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan puts his hands up. “No, no, he um, he had a night with someone the other day. Not me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not like him..”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation (which, it wasn’t really) dies down quickly and Jeonghan clears his throat, trying to stay focused on the TV screen in front of him. The drama’s over, now replaced by a comedy show that’s far too loud to actually be funny. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Jisoo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I found my favorite color.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-you did?” Jeonghan forces himself to smile awkwardly. “Aw, man, I thought I could help you with that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something stings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo swallows. “Yeah. Um, Taehyung helped me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan immediately feels the urge to ball his fists up but holds back because it would look suspicious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I just told him that I was trying to figure out my favorite color, and so he helped me. I just got excited and wanted to tell you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan doesn’t know how he should feel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taehyung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo talked to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Taehyung</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Jisoo also thought of Jeonghan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s confusing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, tell me!” Jeonghan claps, trying to break up the still-awkward air around them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, honey-caramel-brown.” Jisoo smiles to himself. “Like, the color you get when you make your favorite cup of coffee. I just decided that it's warm, and it reminds me of a nice image, and I think it’s my favorite. Well, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s my favorite. Now, at least. It’s not stupid, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan smiles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s eyes are like that color. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beige, flickered with specks of almond-brown and gold strands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Warm</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Soft</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Home</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s a very pretty color, Jisoo. You chose well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo doesn’t return Jeonghan’s smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look sad. And don’t even bother lying to me. I know you better than that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan bites the inside of his cheek. “Well, I don’t know. I just thought that this list was our thing. I guess I feel weird that Taehyung helped you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo blushes like he’s been caught with his pants down. “Oh, right! Oh, I know, but I needed talking points with him, you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Jeonghan looks down at his fingers, which are fiddling nervously against each other. “Do you like Taehyung? You said you wanted to date someone on your list. Is it Taehyung?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that what it looked like?” Jisoo tips his head back so he’s looking at the ceiling, and then he closes his eyes before sinking into the couch as far as he can. “Honestly, at first, I did. But. He’s a stranger at the end of the day. Just, a very good looking one. I mean, I don’t know. He’s nice and I like talking to him, you know? That’s always a good start.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan thinks before he talks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to help with Taehyung, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His voice is a lot sharper than he means. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well. That’s a bit debatable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what? I, um, wasn’t really. I mean - ” Jisoo’s eyes wrinkle in confusion. “Why not? I mean, I’m not saying I want to get with him, but you know. That resolution list and everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I’m just saying that I don’t really think you should be asking me for relationship advice. I’m not good at them. But, um, Taehyung would be lucky to have you, Jisoo. Anyone would. So just let it happen? That’ll work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, are you okay? You sound kind of strained right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m good. Just tired? I guess? I don’t know. Wonwoo drained me. He talks a lot more than you’d think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s funny.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you need anything else?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo grips the pillow in his lap a bit harder than he was before but he shakes his head with a tight smile. “Um, no. I just wanted to drop by and say that, I guess. I finished a part of my bucket list.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he should just stop talking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the word vomit is hard to control. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo, you should just go for it with Taehyung. You know. He’s nice and handsome and you seem to like his personality and, um, then you could do the bucket list things with him. I mean, all I have to do is read your newest novel first, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a hurt expression on Jisoo’s face, like he’s been slapped by Jeonghan. His eyebrows furrow in and his mouth twists up into a frown and some disgusting part of Jeonghan can’t help but feel a bit satisfied to know that he can still hurt Jisoo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan shakes his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s borderline psychotic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, but why? Not, I mean. Why not? I thought this was our thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It's jealousy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You already had fun doing some of them with Taehyung. It’s not a big deal, Jisoo. I was just being childish when I thought that you shouldn’t do any of this stuff. Just go for it with Taehyung. Or not. Find someone else, I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo glares. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan just blinks back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows that Jisoo’s going to yell - they’ve spent too much time together for Jisoo to hold back his words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re being a dick right now, Jeonghan. I hate when you get like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get like what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I - that just proves my point! Are you mad that I did something with Taehyung instead of you? Jeez, grow </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> bucket list!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know what, Jisoo? Yeah. I’m mad. I thought what you thought too, that this was our thing! Sorry for being a little pissed that you let a stranger do this with you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Jeonghan. Is it so bad for me to like him?” Jisoo throws the pillow down and angrily grabs his coat. “I’m out of here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is so bad that you like him!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me that you like him, too!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan takes a break from screaming back and he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>has to laugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me? Liking Taehyung? Jisoo, you must be fucking crazy, no I don’t like </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo calms his breathing down enough to give Jeonghan a wide stare. “Why’d you do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do what, Jisoo. Elaborate on your words, please? You do this every time, I swear that -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just emphasized the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Him </span>
  </em>
  <span>is Taehyung. So you’re referring to someone else. Who is it? You like someone? Why wouldn’t you tell me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan lets out a scoff and swings his arms around in bewilderment. “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the topic of my crush didn’t come up organically in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>conversation </span>
  </em>
  <span>we were just having!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you care, go snog Taehyung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Snog? What are you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twelve</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I am! What about it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan! How could you not tell me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t remember waking up into a world where I’m obligated to tell you everything about myself!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not how I meant it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, Jisoo. I’ll tell you. It’s a bit late to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>polite</span>
  </em>
  <span> about, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>please excuse my tone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I have a crush. Whatever. He’s cute. I like him. A lot more than that, probably. He’s kind and perfect and sometimes, he’s a fucking ditz and I think that’s just very nice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo stands still for a while. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan doesn’t break eye contact because he refuses to </span>
  <em>
    <span>lose</span>
  </em>
  <span> this, as if there could be a winner, and crosses his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s voice is quiet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really like him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. That’s good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo silently makes his way to the foyer and Jeonghan closes his eyes, just because he hates the image of Jisoo leaving so angry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door clicks shut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan opens his eyes and bites the inside of his cheek until he can’t feel it anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was originally supposed to be a filler chapter but where's the fun in that? </p><p>so enjoy. </p><p>p.s. im back now so i get to update !! i knocked out a couple of chapters for different fics while i was gone. blood will have blood will be updated tomorrow!! </p><p>bye!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. backwards</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, are you ready for the planning conference? You look kind of out of it right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan looks up from his phone and at Seokmin, who’s standing over the divider on his desk with a couple of manila folders in hand. His lanyard dangles off his neck, clinking against the divider like a wind chime. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup. Seungcheol’s in today, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin nods. “Yeah. I can’t wait to see Jihoon flounder.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rude,” Jihoon says from some distant corner in the office. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minghao, who’s passing by, laughs at the remark and throws himself next to Seokmin. “Oh, come on, we were all thinking about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you guys think I can’t hear? I swear to fucking god. Every time.” Jihoon’s by the door, tapping his foot impatiently with an irked expression on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao goes up to him, motioning for Jeonghan to hurry up. “Because it’s fun watching you suffer at the hands of Seungcheol.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon snorts. “You act like Jun’s not going to be there, either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You, my dear friend, are evil.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it funny how I could say the same for you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up and start walking, you stick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin and Jeonghan pass a look to each other, but follow along nonetheless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This meeting is going to be fun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan takes his seat where his name card is, wondering which of the interns did it. It’s a cute touch. “Seungcheol. Looking as manly as ever. You might just pop out of your suit one day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol gives him a warm smile. “As always, your words are a different kind of descriptive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan flaps a hand into the air and smirks. “It’s why I’m the best.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head gets smacked by Seokmin, though, and he glares at his friend who takes a seat next to him. Seokmin brushes it off with a friendly grin towards Seungchoel. “How are you, Seungcheol? It’s been a while since we’ve had such a large meeting. So many departments.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, work has been great. But yeah, a lot of our powerhouse authors came back from their breaks at similar times so I just wanted to gather everyone here and knock out a conference in one shot rather than stretch it out uselessly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao fiddles around with a pen. “Okay, Seokmin, you know no one gives a shit about that. Quickly, Cheol! Tell us how it’s going with Jihoon!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol’s brows draw together in a confused manner. “Uh, I guess his designs are getting good reviews. He’s getting better at wo-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, like, love-wise, you dumbass!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao is one of the two people who aren’t scared of cursing directly at Seungcheol. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan would be the other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol sets up something on his laptop and shrugs. “We aren’t in love? So nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon walks into the conference room. “Sorry, someone was in the bathroom so I had to wait. Who still needs to show up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao narrows his eyes at Seungcheol but doesn’t make an embarrassing comment. He turns to answer Jihoon. “The interns, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Jun, and Jisoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sudden mention of Jisoo’s name sends Jeonghan’s heart racing. He’s sure his eyes have gone wide right now, but there’s nothing he can do about his involuntary reaction. Seokmin squeezes Jeonghan’s hand lightly under the table, a silent gesture of comfort. Jeonghan blinks and squeezes back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seokmin lets go and Jeonghan opens up his notepad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has to do his work properly, at least. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once everyone has filed into the room, Seungcheol has everyone go around and announce any important projects they’re working on. Jisoo, Jun, and Soonyoung, the writers, get to speak first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung starts. “I have a couple of new project offers, but I’m still deciding which one to go with. I’ll have to look it over with Minghao first, but I’ll probably go with ConserCorps because I like their ideas.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s surprising to Jeonghan every time, to get reminded that Soonyoung’s an incredibly accomplished research author and that Minghao works in the non-fiction sect. It’s probably the strangest duo the company has, and one that wouldn’t have been thought of getting put together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol starts typing away at his computer, which seems excessive considering the fact that Soonyoung didn’t really say anything out of the ordinary. “Okay, be sure to send me all of the proposals and I’ll set you up with an agent. Minghao, make sure to look through the research and notes with him just to make sure everything’s perfect once he starts. We’ve never worked with ConserCorps so we’ll probably have to set up a couple of integral meetings. Do you need Jihoon to do anything for a book cover?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung looks down at his computer. “They want a photograph or something ecology related, so I’m probably going to need a photographer more than a graphic designer. But someone will still have to put everything together so at the very end, most likely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon nods. “I can do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol taps something. “Okay. I’ll talk to you more after we go around. Next up is Jun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jun takes the podium at the front, patting Soonyoung’s shoulder on his way up. “Okay, we’ve got a lot of offers from freelance writers who are interested in writing columns for the magazines we publish, and some of them are known names. Currently, Kim Seokjin is at the top of that rank.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol pauses him. “Who’s that again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s a famous food blogger with a massive social media following. And a lot of people know him, not just people who like cooking. He’s a growing celebrity.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have a lot of food critics on call, I don’t think we need another one to hire.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, he’s not a food critic, he’s an actual chef. You know that restaurant, La Mer?” Jeonghan watches as everyone looks at Jun with a dumbfounded expression, and rightfully so. That random little french restaurant in the middle of Seoul holds four Michelin stars and made headlines for being one of the most expensive and exclusive restaurants in South Korea - and this Kim Seokjin guy works there? “Yeah, he’s the head chef.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaws drop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol clears his throat. “Uh, well, then yeah. You’re probably going to want to get a meeting with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jun gives everyone a cheeky smile. “I’ll do my best.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Jisoo, you’re up.” Seungcheol gets his hands ready to start typing again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan keeps his eyes on his notebook. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo clears his throat. “Well, as you guys now, this will probably be my last book.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not really appropriate to say anything, really. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo continues. “And, I want to end my career on a good note. I’ll be changing editors. And I want to do my own book cover this time. That’s it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A thick, awkward tension fills the air. Jeonghan feels weirdly called out right now, even though mostly everyone knew that Jeonghan wouldn’t be editing this piece. Still, it’s like Jisoo’s making it a point besides anything else, that he’s not really needed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol blinks. “That's - brief and to the point. At least let me know what genre you’ll do, Jisoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Romance. As always. It’ll also be a bit shorter than my average works.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingyu rolls his eyes and throws an arm over Seungcheol’s shoulder. “Sounds good? Hell yeah, it sounds good! Jisoo brings in like, a million dollars of profit every time he publishes something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah. That’s true. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s beyond accomplished. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Jeonghan was there, behind him for every step of the way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It feels strange to realize that the most recent book of Jisoo’s that Jeonghan somehow turned out to be his last. It was something sad. A guy in love with a girl, but the girl was dying, but somehow the guy died first and then the girl found out she was pregnant and couldn’t save the child and </span>
  <em>
    <span>basically</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it was a lot of tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan doesn’t really listen to the rest of the meeting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo drags Jeonghan into his office before anyone else can get a hand on him. Jeonghan’s thrown onto the couch with a rough shove, and Jeonghan has to scramble to not slide off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I’m all for spontaneous and rough office sex, but I prefer topping, if you don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo glowers, to put it delicately. “Jeonghan, you are ruining your life. And mine. Both of us. We’re going down. Fix this. Fix. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’re you talking about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your plan! Backfired! I tried bringing up my date with Mingyu and he said he wanted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span> me, goddamnit! He’s going to buy me coffee after dinner today so he can teach me what to do and he’s going to give me </span>
  <em>
    <span>outfit</span>
  </em>
  <span> tips, Jeonghan! When’s the last time I asked anyone for </span>
  <em>
    <span>outfit tips</span>
  </em>
  <span>? He’s not jealous at all!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This seems very much like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> problem.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay! For now, call it off. The fake date. And the coffee with Mingyu. I don’t think it’s going to work, anyways -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen!” Jeonghan snaps, and Wonwoo angrily groans with his hands in his hair. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Listen</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Wonwoo! I meant, I don’t think it’ll work if it isn’t me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I cannot </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe</span>
  </em>
  <span> you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>saying</span>
  </em>
  <span> that with your mouth right now. I’ll rip your tongue out, Jeonghan! I will!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you stop freaking out for like, two fucking seconds? Dude, I’m saying I’ll help you! Mingyu probably doesn’t care because the fake date isn’t with someone he knows. It’ll probably hurt more to see him with someone he knows well. Me. I’ll do it. Remember that time he came into your office? He got upset with </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so it’s not that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>won’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> get jealous, it just has to be someone who’s close to you. ”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Ji-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He likes someone else. I’m just, I don’t know. I’ll deal with it later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I also might have given him the impression that you’re my crush.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, dear?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get out of my office.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, don’t be like that! C’mon, I’m sad here, he’s going to chase after Taehyung and I’m going to collapse on myself like a really pretty dying star. Or maybe I’ll lose my mind and turn into a hippie, long hair, headbands, open toed sandals and socks, tie-dye and-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my god. I’m going to kill you. I’m going to kill you, Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Babe!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to demolish you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan laughs and heads towards the door. He opens it and the knob feels cold against his hot palm. “You won’t. By the way, I also made reservations for us to have dinner tomorrow. For a date. Because I love you, babe, and we just need to talk it out, you know? Babe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo lunges and the two of them crash into the hallway, falling in a messy pile of limbs and loose jackets that tangle up and Jeonghan’s pretty sure he would have been choked to an untimely death if Seungcheol and his little army of interns hadn’t shown up to to tear the two apart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin and Soonyoung help Jeonghan up, while Minghao and Jihoon stand somewhere in the back cackling to each other. Mingyu is still, watching like he just saw a really impressive firework display or something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo and Jun just give each other quiet looks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol throws Wonwoo over his shoulder. “Wonwoo, calm down!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo swings his arms desperately, trying to kick his way down. Seungcheol doesn’t budge, though, as expected of the iron wall of flesh on his back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me at him, let me at him! One swing, that’s it, I just need one hit!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan giggles and rocks forward to little avail, with Seokmin grunting and tightening his grip on Jeonghan’s shoulder. “Babe, that’s really hot. I love when people watch, you know? Doesn’t it make it feel like you’re on </span>
  <em>
    <span>fire</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me at him!” Wonwoo shrieks, still trying to hit Seungcheol into letting him go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan laughs like a madman. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Babe! Ugh, I love when you get all dominant! That’s so fucking hot, you don’t even know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Let me at him!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though he wouldn’t admit it, Jeonghan misses Jisoo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like, a lot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Misses talking to him, hearing his voice, eating with him, seeing him smile and laugh and make faces behind Mr. Park’s back because even though he’s a director, he’s not all that competent, watching Jisoo waddle around in an oversized, knee-length parka that limits his movements - </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Misses all of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>However, Jeonghan is petty and Jisoo is probably pettier so they refuse to talk to each other, passing by in the halls with awkward glances and stuttered greetings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Today’s an unlucky day. Jeonghan has somehow made it into the break room at the same time as Jisoo, but because they have something short of an </span>
  <em>
    <span>audience</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they can’t leave without it looking like it’s on purpose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan says hello to everyone in a general wave, but Jisoo’s the only one who doesn’t respond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s eyes flicker nervously between Jeonghan and himself in silent questioning, and Jeonghan doesn’t do anything but take a sip of his coffee. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, I was talking to Minghao lately, and he agrees that the energy in this office isn’t exactly ideal,” Seungcheol says, slapping his thighs and letting out a sigh in that old-man-stretching kind of way. “And we need to do something about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao giggles. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but please don’t. I still get nightmares from last time. And I didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>agree</span>
  </em>
  <span> with you on anything, I just meant that today was a bit awkward because Wonwoo tried to tear Jeonghan’s throat out with his fingers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Seungcheol glares and completely jumps over Minghao’s last point. “</span><em><span>Last</span></em> <em><span>time</span></em><span>, I was ill-prepared with a lack of itinerary.”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have no friends because you use the word itinerary, Seungcheol,” Mingyu says, hiding a smile behind his cup. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol pointedly ignores the side comment. “I have a plan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you said last time, Seungcheol,” Jihoon pats Seungcheol’s shoulder. “Admit it. You’re about as good as planning as a baby is at reading.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know what? That’s it, I was going to make us go out for a nice dinner together, but I don’t think that’s going to be enough anymore,” Seungcheol declares, crossing his impossibly muscled arms together. “I think I need to take it up a notch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo pales. “Oh, no, no, no. I think dinner sounds better. We should just stick to the dinner, Seungcheol.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jun nods along. “Yeah, the dinner, Seungcheol. I’d love to go eat with you guys.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soonyoung closes his eyes. “Seungcheol, the dinner sounds good, you don’t have to take </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> up a notch. Really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s heart drops when Seungcheol sternly shakes his head </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re going on a company outing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nine collective faces cringe in what can only be described as a wordless prayer to god that things will go smoothly this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan cries to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon throws his head back and presses a couple of fingers into his temple, like he’s trying to take care of an impending headache. “We’re screwed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin has a stoic look on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. We are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a solid twenty minutes of trying to convince Seungcheol that a company retreat was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> the way to go, everyone goes to their respective offices with their heads hung. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not the fact that they don’t want to spend time with each other, it’s that Seungcheol is notorious, if anything, for being unable to plan for his life. Hence the three hired interns. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Last time Seungcheol deemed it appropriate for a company outing, he had signed everyone up for a group cooking class and a beach trip which ended in all of them getting food poisoning, four people in the hospital for hemorrhoids, Mingyu had to get his stomach pumped, Seokmin passed out after stepping on some kind of sea urchin at the beach so he had to go to the hospital </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soonyoung threw up because he thought Seokmin was dying, Jeonghan got into a fight because some guy would </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop hitting and Jisoo and sure, he won, but his hand was busted for about two weeks, and Jihoon cried the whole time because Seungcheol kept flirting with other people and Wonwoo refused to leave his hotel room for the whole week because Mingyu was there and Minghao thought a good way to relax was to set off fireworks at the shore but ended up burning Jun’s leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not really fair to blame anyone to try and put a stop to Seungcheol’s stupid idea. And sure, maybe Seungcheol wasn’t directly related to the last couple of things, but the food poisoning thing still was, which made it easier to turn Seungcheol into a terrible kind of martyr. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao’s lolling his head around while spinning his chair around in loose circles when Jihoon comes back into the room with a cup of coffee in his hand. “Guys, we have to do something about this, right? We can agree on that?” Jihoon asks after settling down in his seat. “I don’t want to go on this stupid thing. Seungcheol’s treating us like high schoolers who can’t work out our drama.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao picks his head up and looks at Jihoon with a weird smile. “That’s the first time I heard you bitch about him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I bitch about </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, thank you very much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sad he didn’t look at you today or something? You look tired.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I always look tired.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Answer the first question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Minghao, shut up and do your work. I’m sure Soonyoung’s proposals must be riveting to go through.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They aren’t and you know it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off. Seungcheol’s making me make a list of things he has to buy in order to prepare for this batshit fucking stupid little piece of shit of a trip.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan stops reading the manuscript in his hands, and everyone else in the office pauses what they’re doing and looks up at Jihoon. Jeonghan coughs quietly. “You know what the trip is going to be about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon closes his eyes and his hands form a prayer shape and Jeonghan </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> that this one is going to be bad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin grimaces. “Just tell us, Jihoon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon sighs with a heavy air of defeat. “It’s what you think it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan feels his heart give out. “Don’t say it, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon nods. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Camping.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, motherfucker. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YO I SAID THIS BEFORE IN A DIFFERENT UPDATE BUT I GOT SOME OF MY WORKS DELETED AND IT MAKES ME SAD BUT OH WELL. </p><p>also im planning on writeing a lot of oneshots once im done w these fics since they're not super long ! please leave some requests if you have any! any pairing is accepted and the only thing i wont write about is anything super triggering or smut :). if you have a request, be as descriptive or as vague as you wish! i won't do every single one but ill get to as much as i can. they'll be a minimum of 3,000 and there's no limit to how long it might end up being. </p><p>example request: wonwoo x mingyu, businessmen/office au. wonwoo gets insecure and mingyu makes him feel better. fluff! <br/>or something like that. if you have any specific things youd like to see or if you want it to fluff or angst or both or whatever ! </p><p>also i know this is a bit preemptive but after i finish this fic and "at the end of the road" i plan on doing a hanahaki disease au bc ive been wanting to do one for so long but i haven't yet, and maybe a churchfic because i know ive been waiting to do something where the characters need to sneak around their relationship</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. it's alright for now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo</p>
<p> </p>
<p>have a good day</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jeonghan has decided, under a lot of intense deliberation with the plants he’s currently raising on his balcony, that he needs to  be the bigger man. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Simply put, he misses Jisoo. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And their time together is already limited; he doesn’t want to shorten the months they have together any more than he already has. He’s asked Jisoo to come over the morning of leaving for the trip so they can drive down together with Wonwoo. Jisoo had texted him back a short, “yeah i'll go over around eight” and Jeonghan had swooned over it for the entirety of last night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Damn his stupid crush, making him act like an insufferable little tween in love. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s still mumbling practice lines to his plants when the doorbell rings. He shoots over to the foyer, nearly tripping over himself twice. He opens the door as nonchalantly as he can, and Jisoo enters with a small nod and his luggage. The scarf he’s wearing covers everything up to his nose, but Jisoo tugs it down with a little sound. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It takes every last drop of willpower in Jeonghan’s stupid body to not try and jump his best friend right then and there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo blinks. “So, is your plan to just stand here until Wonwoo gets here?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan snaps out of his trance and tears his eyes away from Jisoo’s lips, they’re so impossibly </span>
  <em>
    <span>red</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and moves back so Jisoo can let out an awkward chuckle and drag his suitcase in. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry. I’ve just been kind of nervous to see you, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo snorts and it’s almost delicate. “What is this, the recreation of a shitty 1990’s rom com chick-flick where the guy wins the girl back? Why’re you acting awkward?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan knows Jisoo too well to not pick up on the fact that he deflects harshly when he’s feeling anxious. He doesn’t miss the shaking of Jisoo’s hands, either. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jisoo.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Jisoo’s voice is soft but he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “Fine, we can talk.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan smiles a bit. “I’m sorry for being childish. I didn’t mean to hurt you back then, and I didn’t want to avoid you. I’m sorry. Really. And you know, we don’t have a lot of time left. I don’t want to waste more. I miss my friend.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo doesn’t respond for a while, choosing to look down at the floor with his fingers fidgeting around with the end of his scarf. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan has to bite back a laugh. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s the scarf he gave Jisoo as a Christmas gift in their last year of high school. It’s frayed and the deep red has faded to more of a rusted color but it still suits him so well, against his almost-tawny skin, and Jeonghan - </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Needs to focus. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo starts talking, albeit quietly. “I’m sorry too. I thought about it, and if you had gone off with someone you just met to finish a bucket list that was meant for me to do with you, I’d get angry, too. And I’m also sorry for expecting you to help me with Taehyung when I didn’t even know you liked someone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair just to have something to do. “Ah, yeah. Well. It’s not going too well so don’t expect me to do anything about it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo opens his mouth to say something when Jeonghan’s phone rings in his pocket. “Um, I’ll just say it later. You should get that.” Jisoo points at Jeonghan’s vibrating pocket and Jeonghan nods. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello? Who’s this?” Jeonghan says, since he forgot to look at the name on the screen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wonwoo, you fat dumbass. I’m here with the minivan. Is Jisoo there?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, we’re ready to leave. Be down in five.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before Jeonghan can get in a goodbye, Wonwoo hangs up and Jeonghan stares at his phone screen, not surprised by that brief ending. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Was that Wonwoo?” Jisoo asks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s here with the car. We should head down. Let me just grab my bag and I’ll be down.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds good.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The car ride with Jisoo and Wonwoo is a lot more fun that Jeonghan thought it would be, but their lighthearted conversations and mild roasts die the second Mingyu steps into the car. Wonwoo had announced (while missing the exit they were supposed to take) that Mingyu was also supposed to be picked up, to which Jeonghan overreacted by freaking out and accidentally hitting Jisoo across the collarbones. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu sits in the passenger seat, since Jeonghan wanted to sit in the back with Jisoo. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> the right decision. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo clams up like a, well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>clam</span>
  </em>
  <span>, refusing to say anything except ask if anyone needs a bathroom break once in a while. He also makes it a point to ask Jisoo for directions, despite Mingyu being right next to him to read off the GPS. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu’s phone goes off during a particularly long stretch of absolute silence and when he picks up, Jeonghan’s heart drops. Even Jisoo looks worried. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Jinyoung!” Mingyu says, smiling brightly as he holds the phone up to his ear. “Yeah, I’m in the car right now. Wonwoo’s driving, and Jeonghan and Jisoo are in the back.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo quietly pulls his phone out and types something. Jeonghan’s phone dings with a message. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisoo: Wonwoo likes Mingyu, right? Why’s he acting so weird? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan debates on whether or not he should say anything, but when he sees Wonwoo’s hands grip the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles are white, Jeonghan starts texting back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan: Yeah, but Mingyu’s apparently talking to that Jinyoung guy. Wonwoo’s been trying to get over him. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisoo: So he’s not actually dating Jinyoung. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan: I’m actually not too sure about that.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisoo: Ugh poor guy. We should make him feel better once we get to the campgrounds. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan: Definitely. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu’s laugh breaks Jeonghan’s concentration on texting back. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll text you when I get there. Okay, bye. Yup. Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I will. I will. Yeah, bye for real now. I’ll talk to you later!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan waits until Mingyu puts his phone away to ask his question. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, Mingyu, how’re things going with Jinyoung? Are you guys talking, or is it more?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu ducks his head and tries to cover a flush, which doesn’t work since Jeonghan’s sitting diagonal to Mingyu and his face is all within sight. “Well, I don’t know. Talking? Flirting? We haven’t gone out yet but I think it could be soon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan shouldn’t be annoyed but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he can see Wonwoo’s shoulders shift around uncomfortably. “Yeah, hopefully soon. Hey, by the </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I was wondering if you could ask Jinyoung if he has any friends who would like to be set up? Wonwoo’s been quiet but I know he’s ready for a relationship.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo sounds like his teeth are gritting against sand. “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>here, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan reaches over the headrest and pats Wonwoo on the shoulder. “You can’t do this yourself, so I’m helping you,” Jeonghan flicks his eyes up and sees that Mingyu is watching him with an unreadable expression. “You know, since </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t work out?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, what are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Wonwoo says quietly, eyes hyper-focused on the road. “Stop it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu needs one more push. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, c’mon Mingyu, it would be a waste to let Wonwoo go the rest of his life single. I’m not saying I need names right away, but you know. I’m sure there’s always someone ready?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu shrugs. “I mean, I don’t think he needs to find anyone right away.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo taps his hand against the steering wheel. “Again, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I mean, it’s fine, Wonwoo, if you don’t want to date anyone. You should just not, date, or whatever. If that’s what you want.” Mingyu looks like he’s one word away from letting out a </span>
  <em>
    <span>hmph</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Wonwoo sighs. “I never said I didn’t want to date, Mingyu, it’s that I don’t need you two running around embarrassing me and setting me up without me asking.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu leans back in his seat. “Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s the longest three hours of his life, but they finally reach the campgrounds. Jisoo gets out quickly, since he’s starting to get aches again and Wonwoo flits off to find a bathroom. Mingyu and Jeonghan have just made it out of the car, but before Mingyu can leave, Jeonghan grabs hold of Mingyu’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu looks up. “Yes?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan presses down the anger in his chest that starts to bubble up. “Look, you know that Wonwoo likes you, and you keep dragging him around behind you. You know how much you’re hurting his feelings by talking about other guys in front of him and constantly asking him for advice for your dates, but the minute it looks like he might move on away from you, you get all cold and annoyed. Make it clear that you have no intention of liking him back and that you like his attention more than anything or </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>will.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu, to Jeonghan’s surprise, reacts with a soft laugh. “Why are you so confident that I don’t like him back?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan drops Mingyu’s hand and takes a step back. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I like him, Jeonghan. I’m scared to mess it up. That’s it. I’m selfishly holding onto him and keeping him by myself because somewhere inside of my head I’m just waiting for the right time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bullshit, Mingyu. Get rid of that victim-savior mentality and either cut him off or confess and make everything right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not that easy, Jeonghan! Maybe for you it is, since you’ve known the guy you love for your whole life, but I can’t say the same thing about me and Wonwoo! He’s been hurt before, and I don’t want to do that. We don’t have any legitimate or natural reason to meet up outside of work, either. You have no right to talk to me about making things right if you can’t do the same with Jisoo.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not comparable! He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Mingyu. I can’t make things harder than they already are.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mingyu leans in close to Jeonghan, so that Jeonghan can feel every breath Mingyu takes on his ear. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You and I are the same, Jeonghan. You and Jisoo could have everything you wanted if you confessed. Don’t use that excuse.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan can only stand there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao settles into his chair around the campfire and lets out a happy sigh, to which Jun grins at like he’s watching the cutest little animal on earth. Jeonghan wants to roll his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So he does. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao sticks up a nice finger in retaliation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, Seungcheol, I was going to cry about this trip because I thought only someone with severely repressed mental trauma or maybe a serial killer who wanted some fair playing ground could pick </span>
  <em>
    <span>camping</span>
  </em>
  <span> as an appporiate trip in the middle of fucking winter but this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jeonghan says. He sweeps his arms in the general direction of everything around him. “How’d you do it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seungcheol takes a sip of his tea and hands Jihoon a blanket when he shivers. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao gives Seungcheol a look. “You really expect us to believe that you put this together? With that brain?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seungcheol looks down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I hired a planner.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan snaps his fingers. “There it is.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo laughs at Jeonghan before pointing to Chan, Seungkwan, and Hansol manning the s’mores on the bonfire. “By the way, how did the interns get to come here with us? I don’t remember getting trip privileges when I was one.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jihoon snorts and snuggles up into his blanket a bit more. “Chan accidentally called Seungcheol dad and then Seungcheol started crying because he was so happy that he declared those three as his honorary children and then made them come here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Chan looks up from his diligent s’more-building with a smile that stretches from ear to ear. “I don’t like my real dad, so.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jihoon blinks. “Huh. You said something so dark so cutely.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, he’s not abusive or anything, but he cares more about books than me, so.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Books?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Chan tilts his head in a confused manner at Wonwoo’s question. “Yeah, he’s the director of the company?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Twelve faces simultaneously drop their jaws. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seungcheol looks like he’s about to pass out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seungkwan pats Chan’s shoulder. “Eat up, the s’mores are ready.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Chan thanks him and bites into one with the most blissed-out expression Jeonghan has ever seen on a person. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The campgrounds themselves are a lot nicer than Jeonghan thought - instead of needing tents, there are six small cabins in the shape of a semicircle facing an open lake with a wide dock on it. It’s too cold to swim or anything, but the scenery it provides is more than enough. The interns are stuck rooming with each other, while everyone just paired off. Soonyoung and Seokmin, Jeonghan and Jisoo, Minghao and Jun, Seungcheol and Wonwoo, Jihoon and Mingyu. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mostly everyone’s milling around the campfire, tired and ready to head in soon. Soonyoung and Seokmin have already gone back, and Minghao and Jun have just gone to the bathroom to clean up. The interns are nowhere to be seen, though. The last embers of the fire burn a warm orange and red, flicking softly in the upcoming dusk light. The sunset bleeds into the lake so perfectly that Jeonghan can’t look away. He’s sitting on the dock right now, letting his legs dangle in the air. It feels nice to not have to think about anything right now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Someone takes a seat bsides Jeonghan, causing him to look at who it is. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo gives him a small smile. “Mind if I join you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan shakes his head and opens his arms with the blanket around them, allowing for Jisoo to slip into his side. Jeonghan pulls the blanket around them so his arm rests across Jisoo’s shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo drops his head onto the crook of Jeonghan’s neck before speaking. “I know that look on your face, Jeonghan. Who’re you thinking of?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan laughs quietly. “Nothing. No one. All of us, I guess. The lake’s pretty.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo lets out a sigh. “Taehyung texted me today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I told you. I’m not helping you with him, Jisoo.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo lifts his head up and looks at Jeonghan. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He’s so close right now, Jeonghan can see his eyelashes curl, can see the red on his nose, can see his small frown. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not, Jeonghan?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan shivers when a particularly cold gust of air blows down from somewhere. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s tiring - </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything is tiring. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Why does he have to be the one to hold everything in? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo doesn’t blink, waiting for an answer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about other guys with you, Jisoo. I’m not doing anything about Taehyung if your goal is to date him or fall in love with him or whatever.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Do you really not want me to find someone that bad?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan feels the sting behind his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why can’t it be me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo’s voice is barely above a whisper when he responds. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? What are you talking about, Jeonghan?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Jisoo.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a stupid joke, Jeonghan-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“For the last twenty-whatever years of my life. I love you. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, Jisoo, so I apologize for the fact that I don’t want to just hand you over some other guy you met a month ago.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan can’t stop himself from crying, as embarrassed as he is. It’s nothing more than a smattering of tears that fall from his eyes, but it’s still kind of mortifying nonetheless. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s like the million-pound weight has been lifted from his shoulders, opening up his chest and allowing him to breathe properly for the first time in his life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo doesn’t move. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s starting to get nervous. “I shouldn't have said that so suddenly, I’m s-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re telling the truth?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan bites back a harsh sob. “Yeah, Jisoo, I love you. I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kiss me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo doesn’t give Jeonghan a chance to answer because he presses his lips up against Jeonghan’s, slow and somehow desperate at the same time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It takes Jeonghan a couple of seconds to process that this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually happening</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that this isn’t some kind of fever dream he’s induced after one too many s’mores. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> and on him and Jeonghan can feel him underneath his fingers, Jeonghan can’t stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>moving</span>
  </em>
  <span> into Jisoo, pulling him impossibly closer to his own body on the dock. Jisoo hands are clinging onto anything they can find purchase on, stumbling over the blanket and Jeonghan’s hoodie to try and grab onto his shoulder and Jeonghan finally gets tired of waiting for Jisoo to settle on a position so he just stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinking</span>
  </em>
  <span>, grabs Jisoo by the hips to lift him up, and pulls Jisoo onto his own lap so Jisoo can straddle him properly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan loses himself in the moment, with the icy wind blowing around them almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>gently</span>
  </em>
  <span>, with the fiery sunset melting into his eyelids and painting swirling circles into his blinded line of sight, with the sensation of Jisoo’s shaking arms wrapping around his neck - </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s three years old all over again, meeting his new neighbor for the first time and declaring that he’d protect the skinny little toddler in front of him as well as he could with his baby-ish gargling. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s eight years old all over again, giving Jisoo the first birthday gift he bought with his own money (from various chores and visits from his grandparents) - a blue pencil case with a smiling penguin dangling off the end, something Jisoo still holds onto. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s ten years old all over again, realizing for the first time that Jisoo isn’t like him, isn’t healthy, always needs to be in the hospital and the doctors can’t fix Jisoo like they did with Jeonghan when he fell off the monkey bars and broke his wrist - no, Jisoo’s really sick and it hurts him and so in return it hurts Jeonghan somewhere in his heart. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s twelve years old all over again, running around the park with Jisoo by his side, accepting half of his friend’s ice cream sandwich when he dropped his popsicle on the playground mulch, even though Jisoo really liked ice cream sandwiches and usually didn’t share unless he had to. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s sixteen years old all over again, with a crying Jisoo kneeled in front of him, demanding that he never get into another fight again because Jisoo doesn’t like fights, doesn’t like when Jeonghan bleeds for no reason and Jeonghan still has that weird, scratched up scar on his knee that Jisoo had wrapped up for him with clumsy hands and too-loose gauze.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s twenty years old all over again, in college and for the first time, realizing that he can label what he calls for Jisoo, can call it love because he’s finally not a kid and he looks at Jisoo as someone he wants to hold forever, he’s stupid and young and in love. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Every single time Jeonghan bit his tongue, every time Jeonghan held back and sucked it in, every time Jeonghan was there for Jisoo because he wanted </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> - </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t matter now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Because Jisoo’s touching him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissing</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, Jeonghan can’t stop himself, can’t stop trying to mold himself around Jisoo, one hand on his waist and the other cupped behind his head to push him closer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It feels like an eternity before they break for air, wild hair and messed up clothes and panting breaths racing for oxygen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo’s eyes are blurred with tears, lips parted with no words coming out of them. Jeonghan’s pretty sure he looks the same.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan uses a finger to push Jisoo’s chin up so they can meet eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jisoo, please tell me you didn’t do that because you felt bad for me. Not to be dramatic, but I think I’d die if you said that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo sniffles. Jeonghan can’t tell if it’s because of the cold or because of the situation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Probably both. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t do that, stupid,” Jisoo’s arms are still wrapped around Jeonghan’s neck and he can Jisoo’s fingers playing around with a lock of his hair near his nape. “I just can’t believe I had the chance to do that. You better not be lying, Jeonghan.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan smiles into a kiss, but it’s shorter this time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Jisoo.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s heart nearly stops. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo says it back so </span>
  <em>
    <span>easily</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hearing those words, </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> hearing those words, is different than just imagining it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s like something just aligned itself in his life. Or a missing puzzle piece finally slotting into the right spot. Whatever it is, Jeonghan doesn’t want it to end. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jisoo, I know I kind of messed up the order here, but be my boyfriend, please? I know you usually date a bit first or whatever but I don’t want to w-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeonghan?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just told you I love you. If you </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> ask me to be your boyfriend I think </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’d </span>
  </em>
  <span>die.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan and Jisoo just sit there and Jeonghan can feel his thighs going numb with Jisoo on top of him but it feels perfect, like it’s how they were supposed to hold each other this whole time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jisoo?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what about Taehyung?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“God, you have a problem.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! I’m still pissed that you went around to find your favorite color with him!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, well, that’s, whatever. I’ll find a new one. Brown’s kind of stupid, anyways.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll let this issue go for now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeonghan-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, </span>
  <em>
    <span>shhh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, no, shush. I’m not letting the Taehyung thing go because I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> like that man and there is nothing you can do to stop me from shooting lasers at him in my head.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, I’m cold. Can we go inside?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, but just so you know, that was a really shitty attempt at trying to change the topic” Jeonghan doesn’t let go of Jisoo, though, choosing to stand up with Jisoo still on his hips. He holds Jisoo from the bottom now, and Jisoo has to wrap his legs around Jeonghan’s waist to not fall to his death off the dock and into the lake. “But I refuse to let this go. Or you go. Either way. I’m still mad at him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo laughs. “God, you’re so childish. Hurry up and walk back to the cabins. You’re my horse now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wouldn’t that mean you’d have to ride me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think I’d even hesitate for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>second</span>
  </em>
  <span> to lean back and drop us into the lake or something? Because I won’t.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan stifles a laugh all the way back to the camp, kind of surprised that everyone’s still there. Soonyoung and Seokmin are back out, although they look pretty tired. Even Minghao and Jun are there, clearly fighting off sleep. The interns are the only ones who aren’t present. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo flushes, squirming in Jeonghan’s grip. “Let me down.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan shakes his head. “Nope. Anyways, what’re you guys doing on here?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Minghao groans. “We’ve been waiting for someone to confess to </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone </span>
  </em>
  <span>for the last six years of you guys working with us. Jun said he spotted you two on the dock and all of us just filed out to see if you were gonna grow a pair and finally do it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo’s still trying to get out of Jeonghan’s grasp, but Jeonghan just locks his fingers tighter together and Jisoo gives up moving. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, you can go back inside since I finally </span>
  <em>
    <span>grew a pair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jisoo’s my boyfriend!” Jeonghan laughs especially, and Jisoo goes back to trying to fall off his hands. “Hong Jisoo is my boyfriend! After twenty years, I get to say that out loud. Woo hoo!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even Jihoon smiles and claps along. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo whispers into Jeonghan’s ear. “I hate you right now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan just presses a kiss into Jisoo’s cheek and marches on over to their cabin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not before passing Mingyu, though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s your turn, Mingyu. Do what’s right.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not that he would ever admit it, but that felt pretty badass. Mingyu’s pissed off face is quite the thing to look at, if he says so himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan and Jisoo are finally in the cabin now, tangled up with each other on Jeonghan’s bed. They’re not really doing anything right now except passing quiet comments and then stopping to giggle like a stupid little high school couple. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan grabs Jisoo’s waist and closes the distance between them a bit more, smiling when Jisoo laughs with the sudden touch. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jisoo?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this is real.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. You always seemed untouchable to me, you know? Like, I was just happy with loving you without you knowing. Or something.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When did it start? For you, I mean.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who knows? I’m pretty sure the first time I got hard was because of you. That was a fun year.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh. Jeonghan. I’m trying to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>romantic</span>
  </em>
  <span> here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not a lie!” Jisoo gives him a look and Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Fine, fine. I mean, I always loved you, but I don’t think I truly </span>
  <em>
    <span>understood</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I loved you more than a friend until I was like, twenty or something. Before, I just felt confused, like, obviously I love you because I’m closer to you than anyone else. And I got hard to you and stuff. But being responsible for taking care of you, helping you when you were sick, all of it just made me feel special because no one else was doing it but me. I just realized that you must’ve trusted me a lot more than even your own parents for that to happen and then it clicked.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s a lot deeper than I thought.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why, what’s your story?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you remember that time you got into a fight with those guys from the other high school, and you came home to me all bloody bragging about how you won? And I asked you why you fought them and </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> said because they started it but then later I found out it was because they were making fun of me being weak or something?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. God, I totally peaked in high school.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You had a ponytail.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I looked </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick</span>
  </em>
  <span> for those two months before you cried and begged me to cut it because I looked like a twenty-three year old pimp.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, so that’s it? You realized when I beat up a couple of guys for you? Damn, I should’ve confessed earlier. We wasted so much </span>
  <em>
    <span>time</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That sentence hits hard the second it leaves Jeonghan’s mouth. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seven months left. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo just kisses Jeonghan in silence, and Jeonghan moves so that Jisoo can shift on top of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan feels his hands slip under Jisoo’s crewneck, soft skin meeting his fingertips. Jisoo shudders underneath the touch but doesn’t stop him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, we haven’t prepared anything, I don’t think -”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not all the way, Jisoo, I don’t want our first time to be in a cabin surrounded by a bunch of our friends.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo smiles. “Yeah, me neither.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we just -” Jeonghan has to close his eyes to pause for a breath, unable to concentrate on anything else besides the feeling of Jisoo’s hips on top of him. “Let me hold you, Jisoo, I -”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“God, you talk too much.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo follows Jeonghan’s movements, tugging at the strings on Jeonghan’s hoodie while Jeonghan kisses back harder, using the sudden intensity between them to slide a free hand into the waistband of Jisoo’s sweats and gliding a palm over Jisoo’s ass (which is annoying still covered by a thin layer of cloth thanks to the underwear that Jisoo’s wearing). </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jisoo breaks the kiss with a small moan, turning red and looking down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jisoo,  you can’t get shy on me now, </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you’re so pretty.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sh-shut up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope. I missed out on this for </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> too long.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jeonghan gives Jisoo the cheekiest, most shit-eating grin he can possibly muster and continues to play around with Jisoo’s butt like it’s a stress ball (it’s a crude description, but the only thing Jeonghan can come up with in the moment) and Jisoo makes noises that are so soft and quiet and perfect and the rest of the world is gone for right now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeonghan?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hurry up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, sir.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>PROGRESSSSSS????? ONLY SIX CHAPTERS IN AND WE HAVE PROGRESSSSSSSSSSSSSS BEWTEEN THEM??????????????????</p>
<p>a moment of silence for taehyung, rip him, but he'll be forgotten soon enough. </p>
<p>AND NOW WE JUST HAVE MINGYU AND WONWOO TO FIX AND ITLL BE ALL PERFECT except for the fact that jisoo is v v sick BUT ITS OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY</p>
<p>damn ok ill stop screaming but YYYAYYYYYYY</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. selfish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yay a little bit of meanie thrown in this chapter ! finally.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Everything aside, the camping trip goes pretty well. Only two people fell into the lake, and one did it to save the other. (Chan had somehow gotten a little bit </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> close to the edge as a joke but ended up slipping for real, and Seungcheol responded by screaming something utterly inhuman and diving in after him. Turned out that Chan could swim and he was paddling on over to shore, and that Seungcheol </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so Chan ended up gracefully lugging him back to safety in freezing cold water. Nothing was serious enough to go to the hospital, but Jeonghan is never going to let Seungcheol live that down.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a couple of days of doing nothing but lazing around warm campfires, playing stupid games with everyone else, and trying to squeeze in twenty years worth of missed cuddles with Jisoo into his schedule, Jeonghan would literally rather skin himself alive with one of the prickly needles of his cactus plant than actually wake up to face the day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s time to return to work but Jeonghan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Does. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Want. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Jisoo is currently making use of one of Jeonghan’s arms, head placed on it for a temporary pillow. Jeonghan cradles the curve of Jisoo’s body with his free hand, blissfully ignorant about how he can’t really feel his right side at all. Jisoo sleeps quietly, lashes fluttering once in a while and his chest rising and falling to a slow, quiet rhythm that Jeonghan can feel up against his own skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know how much time passes before the alarm rings and Jisoo’s face cringes awake, like an unpleasant jolt has just run through his body. Jeonghan can’t help but smile when Jisoo blinks himself awake slowly, moving around gently on Jeonghan’s bicep like he’s trying to remember where he is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, sleepyhead,” Jeonghan whispers, moving that hand that was on Jisoo’s back down to the dip of his waist. “We have to go to work today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s eyes are still squinting. “Seungcheol can’t fire me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure he can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, he can’t fire the both of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He wouldn’t dare,” Jeonghan presses a soft kiss into Jisoo’s forehead, relishing in the little mewl of contented pleasure that Jisoo lets out. “C’mon, I’ll make us some coffee while you get ready.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo does something unexpected. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tears up and starts crying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan panics for a second, wondering if he did something wrong. “Hey, Jisoo, are you okay? Look, you could probably get away with sleeping for like, twenty more minutes if you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not because I want to sleep more, dumbass,” Jisoo lets out, breath shaking as he sniffles. “It’s just that, why didn’t we do this earlier?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan sits up on the bed, not quite wanting to grab Jisoo into an unwanted hug. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>mean</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just, waking up to you and joking around and then you offering to make me </span>
  <em>
    <span>coffee</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why couldn’t we just have sucked up our egos and done this earlier? How many years of this did I miss? How many times could I have held you, Jeonghan, that I can’t get back now? And we only have seven months until - I, just, it’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> but it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair</span>
  </em>
  <span>, we should have just been with each other since the start!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s little spiel ends with his voice growing pitchier than a drunk Seokmin trying to sing and the shrieking has made his skin flush beet red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan lets a small sigh escape his mouth and leans forward so he can pull Jisoo into him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, Jisoo. I hate the fact that you’re right. We could’ve had this for years, but, who knows? Things happen for a reason. Maybe the fact that we had to wait was just to make it that much more special, Jisoo. It kills me that I waited this long for you, but I don’t regret it. Okay? So, we’ll just have to be happy. And I know we can be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s nod tickles Jeonghan’s chest and Jeonghan laughs, letting his fingers run wild through Jisoo’s hair, which is somehow still soft even after a full night of sleep. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Happy. I can do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s job is suddenly </span>
  <em>
    <span>enjoyable</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t really know how to describe it, but the closest explanation would probably be that he actually enjoys reading mindless manuscripts now, vibrating with anticipation with every turn of the page. Of course, as an editor, Jeonghan has more than one client, but he’s never cared about them on a personal level besides Jisoo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s different now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>likes</span>
  </em>
  <span> the department that he had once loathed: the romance one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only reason Jeonghan landed a job in that particular sector was because of Jisoo; it’s not like he particularly enjoyed reading about flirty men with over-the-top, seductive smiles who were rich chasing after smoking hot, unreasonably bitchy women. The occasional same-sex love story came out, but the tropes were never riveting enough to make Jeonghan satisfied. Just quiet versions of watered down love that were falsely sweet, as if it were that simple to be gay in the first place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it’s like his whole world has changed, and it’s all thanks to Jisoo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, lovebird,” Minghao says, nudging Jeonghan’s shoulder on his way back to his seat. “I know you and Jisoo are stupid in love or whatever, but stop smiling. You’re gonna piss off the single freaks in this office.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan holds back a snort. “You don’t have to call Jihoon out like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I meant </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Minghao sighs. “Remember?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s the first time Jeonghan’s hearing about this. “What? What happened to Jun? You were making sex jokes with him like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yesterday</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Jeonghan doesn’t actually remember if Minghao and Jun confirmed the fact that they were dating, but they sure acted like it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minghao drops his head to his desk and closes his eyes. “Nah, he just lets me say those things because he thinks I’m kidding. I’m lonely. And Jihoon too, I guess, but my suffering is more intense so he’s less important.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have you know that my relationship with Seungcheol is progressing to some extent,” Jihoon says. “He no longer ignores my presence in a room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin doesn’t miss a single beat of typing but his head twitches to show that he’s about to say something. “Just tell him. You know his head is denser than a stack of bricks bound together by steel. He won’t realize unless you’re straightforward with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m very much fine where I am right now, thank you very much.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon looks miserable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s about to try and crack a joke about Seungcheol’s blindness when he gets a text from Jisoo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisoo: hey, can you come to meeting room 3B right now by any chance? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan: yeah, i'll go. See you in five? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisoo: yes, please. Thank you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan stands up from his chair and grabs a random notepad and pen off his desk just to look like he’s going out to do something. “I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin and Minghao say goodbyes, while Jihoon lets out some kind of sad grunt in acknowledgement that he’s heard Jeonghan’s announcement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan rolls his eyes. He’ll have to buy Jihoon a coffee or something later or else he might just die in a tiny little ball of depression. The last time that happened, no one could get him to come out from under his desk and Jihoon ended up getting locked into the building overnight because he fell asleep before the night crew walked around closing the doors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Although Jeonghan’s kind of worried, he tries his best to not let it show when he steps into the meeting room. Jisoo’s sitting in a chair, fiddling around with the end of his shirt like he’s nervous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan takes a seat in front of him. “Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Um, well, I mean. Yeah, they are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I talked to Taehyung. About what happened. I just didn’t want it to be awkward with him and me, since I’m still taking lessons with him. But it all worked out so I’m just happy. I don’t know. I’m just jittery right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s slightly annoyed by the fact that Jisoo is still going to be seeing Taehyung on a regular basis, but he brushes it off since </span>
  <em>
    <span>he beat Taehyung into getting Jisoo</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As petty as that is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really? Well, I’ll just pick you up from those lessons really dramatically with flowers and chocolates and he’ll just have to suck my ass every day, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha, yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo, what’s wrong? You look pale.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just that, you know. It’s coming up again. Their anniversary. And it’s also on my bucket list to go talk to them, and so I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If there wasn’t a table between them, Jeonghan would be hugging the absolute crap out of Jisoo right now. Instead, his only option is to grab Jisoo’s hand and give it a little squeeze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Jisoo. Just tell me when.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo smiles and lets out a breath of relief. “Good. And I think I decided on a new favorite color.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. There’s a very specific shade of yellow in my head right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pee?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Pastel</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jeonghan. Like any normal person would assume.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, that’s definitely prettier. Any reason?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna say.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, now you have to say.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to argue with it any longer because I kind of think my reason is the best reason ever, so. Remember the first time we met? When we were like three and our moms forced us to play together in my room while they got to know each other since we were new neighbors? And you thought I was a girl?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan flushes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He totally forgot about that. (For the first two months of knowing each other, Jeonghan somehow confused the fact that Jisoo was a girl, and the fact that he had an extremely unisex name didn’t help out either. He had also, on numerous occasions, announced that he would marry Jisoo once they were old enough.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, um, m-might remember something like that, vaguely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you got this bow for me when your mom gave you a couple of coins when you two went shopping, and I realized that you didn’t know I was a boy but I was so happy with that gift I couldn’t bring myself to tell you for a couple of months. I guess somewhere in that little toddler’s head I knew that you were someone I wanted next to me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anyways</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I still have it,” Jisoo pauses to pull something out of his pocket and lo and behold, it’s the little bow Jeonghan had once given Jisoo as an “early engagement present” or something. It’s a pale, slightly washed out color, but the pastel yellow still shows itself clearly. The ribbon itself is a bit misshapen, but Jeonghan can’t help but feel his heart skip a beat when Jisoo blushes at it like he’s shy that he still has it. “And I looked at it and I just thought, that it’s a really pretty color. So yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t take this the wrong way -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’m most definitely going to take this the wrong way, but go on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take your pants off, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I - </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Jisoo’s voice goes up seven octaves like he was just asked to expose himself in front of a crowd. Jeonghan immediately rushes over to Jisoo’s side, knocking his chair down and banging his hip ever so painfully against the edge of the table in the process. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just tell me something like that and expect me to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> get horny!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I’m scared to be romantic with you, what the fuck, Jeonghan! This is a place of </span>
  <em>
    <span>work, </span>
  </em>
  <span>I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> letting our first time happen where Wonwoo has his daily scream and Jihoon cries about Seungcheol every thirty seconds!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just </span>
  <em>
    <span>touching</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jisoo.” Jeonghan laughs and pulls Jisoo up before pressing a slightly sloppy kiss against his neck. He doesn’t suck hard enough to mark Jisoo’s nape but there’s a slight redness that Jeonghan can’t help but admire. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, shut </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>touching</span>
  </em>
  <span> you in this meeting room! It smells like middle-aged depression and rejection.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not even a </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> deep kiss?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo gives Jeonghan’s cheek a little peck before smiling and grabbing onto the lapels of his jacket. “I have my own office, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m hard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s gross. Hurry up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be the death of me, Hong Jisoo,” Jeonghan laughs when Jisoo cracks a smile. “Pun intended.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just killed my boner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, well, I guess I’ll just have to work extra hard to revive it with CPR. Using my mouth. On your dick. With my </span>
  <em>
    <span>mouth</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my god.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am giving up on Kim Mingyu and that’s official.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan doesn’t bother to hold back his eye roll as he flops down on the couch in Wonwoo’s office after he places his coffee cup on the table beside him. “You’ve said that a million times. I’m going to stage an intervention for you at some point.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, you don’t get to say anything now that you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get mad at me, but I kind of talked to Mingyu.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo sighs and drops his head onto his desk, hands grabbing his hair in frustration. Or maybe he’s stifling the urge to sock Jeonghan across his face - either way, he doesn’t look too good. “I would yell at you but I’m too tired to. I’m knee deep in financial reports and the numbers are starting to swim in my eyes. This can’t be healthy, Jeonghan, I’ve been dreaming in numerical values for the last three days.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you curious about what I told him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll bite,” Wonwoo props his chin up on his hand and blinks slowly. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He told me that he liked you, but he doesn’t know how to stop being selfish. And that he knows that you’ve been through things and he’s scared of hurting you, so he’s kind of stuck. Maybe you should be the one to talk to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah,” Wonwoo lets out, allowing the sentence to escape with a  long breath. “You know, I’m kind of over it. This whole thing has been stretching out for too long. I’m just, I’m done with it. Whatever. I guess it wasn’t meant to work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, at the end of the day, I’ll support your decision and help you and be here to talk to you, but at least talk to him. You’ll feel blocked up if you don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s about to respond with something when his phone rings. Jeonghan takes advantage of the interruption to drink his coffee, which still tastes like hazelnut even though he’s been wishing that it would please </span>
  <em>
    <span>change</span>
  </em>
  <span> into a medium roast while he waited for it to cool. “Speak of the devil, it’s Mingyu. He just texted me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something good or bad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not sure. He asked that I grab dinner with him today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a date.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He said it’s to consult me for advice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What does that mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Something about Jinyoung, I didn’t read it all the way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna kill him one day, you know. It’ll be super fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shoo, Jeonghan. I have work to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Liar. But whatever. I’ll leave. I have to heckle Jihoon, anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one made you cupid, Jeonghan, just because you got with Jisoo. Don’t you have some manuscripts to read? Like, as a part of your job? The one you’re getting overpaid to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>first of all</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I have self-appointed myself as the relationship </span>
  <em>
    <span>master</span>
  </em>
  <span> of this office, because I am now happy and not at all depressed about the fact that my lover is dying, </span>
  <em>
    <span>plus</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Seokmin works too hard to slack off and Soonyoung’s scared to get scolded by him so that just leaves me to deal with the loneliness in this place.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get. Out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Party pooper.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan takes his cup of disgusting hazelnut coffee and skips town. Next target? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo’s POV</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This restaurant is nice,” Wonwoo says, immediately regretting how bland that sentence sounded. “It smells delicious in here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo pinches the inside of his thigh to shut himself up. Mingyu just picks up the menu and smiles, either ignoring Wonwoo’s bland comments to be polite or genuinely not knowing how to respond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a small, awkward lull in the air and Wonwoo seriously debates if he should just throw himself in front of a car or not when Mingyu clears his throat. The chair that he’s sitting on seems too hard all of a sudden and Wonwoo wants to run. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Wonwoo, I know you’re probably wondering why I asked you to meet with me here, but I’ve just been confused about a lot of things lately and I don’t really know who to turn to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds great, Mingyu. Um, let me know what’s up whenever. Is everything okay? Now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo closes his menu and feels a thin sheen of sweat start to form at the base of his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you know how I’ve been talking to Jinyoung for a little bit now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo dies a bit inside. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kill me now, please</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This whole thing is so awkward he literally does not want to breathe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Jinyoung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I don’t know if I want to break things off with him, because I might be into someone else? And I don’t know if this other person wants me, too, but if they did I feel like I’d just, you know. Be really happy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The waitress comes to their table before Wonwoo can think of something to say, something that he’s incredibly thankful for. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello, I’m Chaeyoung, and I’ll be taking your orders today! What can we get you started with?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingyu gives her a small grin and closes his menu. “I’ll be good with the spicy kimchi somen bowl, thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chaeyoung scribbles it down before taking Mingyu’s menu and then faces Wonwoo. “And for you, sir?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, I’ll take the ox-blood stew.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chaeyoung takes his menu as well and smiles. “Alright, your orders will be out within ten minutes, please let me know if you need anything else!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo and Mingyu both nod their head in thanks before that stupid little ball of tension comes back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, anyways, like I was saying, what do you think I should do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo bites the inside of his cheek so he doesn’t let out a tired groan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s starting to feel exhausted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingyu’s doing this on purpose, right? There’s no way he’s really asking Wonwoo this, not when he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> Wonwoo’s feelings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fact that Wonwoo can feel himself getting played with some kind of twisted joke drives him insane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look, Mingyu, I don’t get why you’re singling me out like this, but I really don’t know. You should just end things with Jinyoung and be happy with this other guy, or just continue to pursue him and create a relationship with him since you’re already talking. I don’t get it, Mingyu. You know that I like you. And you keep pretending to not know, but there’s no way you don’t. And there’s no way that you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>realize</span>
  </em>
  <span> how much it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to have you rub it in my face like this. I -” Wonwoo feels his hands start to shake in his lap but he can’t seem to keep the same worrisome vibration out of his voice, which embarrasses him. “- I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>care</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore. I don’t want to get strung around like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo takes out two ten dollars bills from his wallet and slaps it on the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingyu looks like he’s taken back. “Wonwoo, I-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s the money for my portion of dinner. I’m sorry. I can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>sit</span>
  </em>
  <span> here anymore, I think I’m going to lose my mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with that, Wonwoo shoves a sob down his throat and speed-walks as casually as he can out of the restaurant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The November air is crisp against his lungs, but it burns even more against his skin. He’s pretty sure that his eyes have spilled tears, but can’t feel bothered enough to wipe them away. His nose itches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even if Mingyu decides to go after him, it’ll take a while to pay the bill and get the takeout bag. Wonwoo should be able to cross half the city by the time Mingyu even sets foot outside of that restaurant. (He lives close enough to work that he can commute by walking.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There aren't a lot of people walking down the streets, and Wonwoo thanks the temperature for that. No one spares him a second glance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wishes he was invisible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t really know if he’s going in the right direction, with the rush of wind in his face blurring up his already-shaking field of vision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid, Wonwoo, that’s what you are</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he tells himself, digging his fingers into his pockets further to try and slow down the freezing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking stupid. The crush, agreeing to talk to him, all of it. Stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something pulls him back all of a sudden, grabbing onto his elbow and yanking him into a solid chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ran off, Wonwoo,” the cold shiver of Mingyu’s voice suddenly barges into Wonwoo’s ears and he’s too surprised to pull away. “I wanted to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I told you, I have no intention of doing that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonwoo</span>
  <em>
    <span>, please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, stop moving for a second, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>listen</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Wonwoo gets wrestled into a back-hug that he blindly tries to tear himself out of. “Wonwoo. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wonwoo</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m not letting you go until you listen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>, okay! I’ll listen, so let </span>
  <em>
    <span>go</span>
  </em>
  <span> of me, for fuck’s sake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Mingyu says, but Wonwoo doesn’t miss the hint of nervousness in his voice. He lets go of Wonwoo and waits until they’re facing each other to talk. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, seriously, Wonwoo. Listen to me, please,” Mingyu reaches out and grabs onto one of Wonwoo’s hands, clutching it like he needs it to survive. “I’m selfish. I’ve - I’m, it’s - I’m not used to actually liking people, Wonwoo. I’ve never cared if people left me, or if I left them. Honestly, it was just easier that way, like, at least I couldn’t be surprised by disappointment if I protected myself by being selfish. And then I finally met you during that team meeting seven years ago, and at first I thought you were ridiculous, because you made it really obvious that you liked me, and normally I would’ve tried to play around with you or something but I just </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Wonwoo, I looked at you once and for some reason I knew I didn’t want to hurt you so I settled for being selfish. I settled for taking up your attention at the sake of hurting you, but at least you couldn’t leave me, because we weren’t together and I could just keep you there, and I know, Wonwoo, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I know I know I know I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that I’m so selfish but </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I don’t want to be like that anymore, I don’t want to lose you, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I know I have no right to stand in front of you like this, but give me one chance, Wonwoo, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The immense silence that fills the air feels so heavy that Wonwoo thinks he might throw up. Everything’s too much - the feeling of Mingyu’s hands against his own, the weight of his words pressing down on Wonwoo’s shoulders, the quiet </span>
  <em>
    <span>whoosh</span>
  </em>
  <span> of wind that whispers past his ears every once in a while - Wonwoo wants to run away into a quiet room to lock himself away forever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingyu doesn’t press for a response but his eyes plead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo licks his lips to try and start </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing</span>
  </em>
  <span> something, and he winces when his tongue runs past a particularly chapped area that stings when saliva hits it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mingyu,” he starts. “You can’t do that. You can’t just put together a bunch of sad words and expect me to jump into your arms, you know that. You just admitted that you were aware of my crush since the beginning and you knew how much you were hurting my feelings while pretending not to. You can’t just erase that. I think you’re mistaken, Mingyu. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> you. I don’t love you. Even I’m not delusional enough to go that far. This is something I can get over within a couple of weeks. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo twists his hands out of Mingyu’s grasp and Mingyu’s eyes go wide, head shaking in a “</span>
  <em>
    <span>no”</span>
  </em>
  <span> motion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonwoo, please, I know I messed that part up so bad, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but please, I just need one chance and I’ll make it all up, Wonwoo, you can’t -” Mingyu’s lips start trembling and Wonwoo has to look away just so he doesn’t break down and accept him. “- please, Wonwoo, one chance. I’ll do anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo hears his voice break and he wants to run away, he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so close</span>
  </em>
  <span> to his apartment right now but his legs don’t move, everything feels too heavy and wide and tied-down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wonwoo</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Mingyu takes a single step closer and gets rid of the gap in between their bodies. Wonwoo watches in confusion as Mingyu wipes a tear away and then puts his hands on Wonwoo’s shoulder and waist. “Push me away if you want me to stop.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s too slow to process that Mingyu’s leaning down for a kiss and when it finally hits him he’s about to shove Mingyu off but -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo pulls away, lips parted mid-kiss. “That’s playing dirty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingyu drops his forehead against Wonwoo’s own and sniffles. “I don’t care. Please, Wonwoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo can’t hold himself back anymore. He nudges upwards with his nose, indiciating wordlessly to Mingyu that he should kiss back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The temperature outside is probably close to freezing but something inside of Wonwoo’s chest pulls taunt and his veins feel like they’re flowing with liquid fire, coursing through his body and pushing him into Mingyu further. Mingyu’s kiss is slow and languid, with a steady pressure that grows and grows until Wonwoo feels like he’s going to get eaten alive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They only break away to breathe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mingyu gives him a small smile. “Does that mean I get one more chance?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo shivers when a particularly harsh gust of wind blows around them. “Why don’t I think about it while we go somewhere warmer and um, more private than out here in the middle of the street?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yes. Yes, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wonwoo doesn’t laugh but he can’t help but return Mingyu’s grin just a little bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My apartment is about two minutes around the corner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lead the way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s POV</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s almost done washing up when he hears Jisoo rustle around on the bed, settling into the covers and undoubtedly snuggling deeper into the pillows. He’s growing a strange addiction to piling up as many pillows as he can around himself and Jeonghan suspects it has something to do with liking how it feels when he sinks into them. He smiles at the thought of Jisoo idling around and slaps on the rest of his moisturizer before heading on over into his room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Done?” Jisoo asks, indeed burrowing into the pillows with a big grin on his face. “C’mon, the heating blanket is starting to grow warmer and my arms are lonely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who’s Jeonghan to deny Jisoo of himself? He dives as fast as he can into the bed and scrambles to pull Jisoo into his side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look weird, Jisoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gee, thanks. I love when my boyfriend compliments me, it makes me feel really pretty, you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Jisoo, you look like you’re sad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s because I am. Because I have to go home tomorrow and then we won’t be together for a whole entire night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Aw, why? Is it your plants?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo groans and buries his face into Jeonghan’s chest with a whine. “Damnit, I forgot about the plants. But no, it’s because I have no clothes left for work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So? Just bring them over. And your plants. My bed’s bigger than yours, anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo props himself up on an elbow and tilts his head with an awkward laugh. “Jeonghan, that’s basically me moving in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So? Just move in. With me. Here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo doesn’t answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan feels a twinge of worry in his stomach. “I’m sorry, is that too rushed? I just meant, like, you know. You’ve been coming over to my apartment since we left college and now that we’re together, there’s no reason for us to be apart. Unless you don’t want to, that’s just - yeah. It’s rushed. We should just -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanna do it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I want to. That sounds perfect, Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you’re not just saying that, are y-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo cuts him off with a loud giggle followed by a soft kiss, laughing into it when Jeonghan wraps his arms around him and pulls Jisoo on top of him. It’s comfortable like that, with Jeonghan laying down on the bed and Jisoo on top of him, cradled like a koala bear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not just saying that, Jeonghan. I want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You still have that sad look in your eyes, Jisoo,” Jeonghan closes his eyes for a second just because he feels like he’ll start crying if he doesn’t take a break from looking at that secretly-despaired expression. “Don’t do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s voice is sullen, but he forces a smile onto his face. “I’m not doing anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t treat this like a memory, Jisoo, we’re still living it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to be together forever, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Forever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll never stop needing you, Jisoo. God. I love you. We should have done this earlier.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan can’t stop either of their tears that night. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>my godddddd this fic is moving along fastttttttttt anyways who knows if jisoo's actually gonna kick the bucket owiejfsdjflksjdf </p><p>fun fact: im eating a brownie right now and all im saying is this is probably what crack feels like because CHOCOLATE. </p><p>fun fact 2: ill probably finish this fic all the way through before updating the others, just to keep things organized. blood will have blood will be making a comeback next month, though! i have the plot outlined in my head but writing it well is a bit harder than i thought hmmm. </p><p>also im finding that a lot of my fics are going to be shorter than i thought. like i think bwhb will lose at least four or five chapters. i overshot how much id write lol. </p><p>thats it for today folks but i hope you guys are all enjoying your day ily!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. fine for now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Jisoo, are you done with your bags? I’m almost done loading my suitcase up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s voice bends around the corner and Jeonghan has to strain to hear his response all the way from the living room. “Yeah, just about. The car’s filled with gas, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m coming out now!” Jeonghan hollers, zipping up his bag and standing up. His knees crack more than he thinks is necessary and drags his suitcase behind him to the living room where Jisoo is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo lets out a satisfied sigh and taps the top of his duffel bag, clearly proud of his work. The seams of the black fabric look like they’ll pop with the slightest movement and Jisoo’s clearly worked up a sweat to achieve the closure of his bulbous carry-on, but Jeonghan decides that he wasn’t really that much better off with his own packing. “This feels too much like a vacation. It doesn’t seem like we’re going to visit a bunch of graves.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think your parents would appreciate that. They’d want to see you happy, Jisoo. It’s not a bad thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo smiles a bit and holds his hands out, waiting for Jeonghan to grab them to pull him up. Jeonghan follows the silent instructions and snatches Jisoo up in a hug, placing his arms around Jisoo’s waist in a loose fashion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan. I know I’ve said this a million times before, but I really mean it. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smell of Jisoo’s clean shampoo tickles Jeonghan’s nose in a pleasant way and Jeonghan just lets himself fall even harder into the hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s never really sure how to respond in these situations, anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The countryside seems to stretch on for miles - Jeonghan’s been driving for what feels like a million hours but they’re still nowhere near their destination. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think the house is cleaned out? We haven’t been down in a while. My nose is itching just thinking about the dust.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s parents had traded the bustling city for a quiet retirement further out into farm country with a cute, albeit old-fashioned place to live. Mostly wood, and fields that stretched on for days all around. Plus, it was built a while ago so there’s a sliding door in the back of the living room that opens up directly to the fields. All Jeonghan needs is a hanbok and he would look like a time traveller from the Joseon era.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I hired someone to go clean it a week ago. It should be ready for us to use.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’re ever going to sell it? It must be expensive holding onto all of their property.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo drops his head onto the window and smiles at a stray dog they pass. “I will. Eventually. But not right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again, the implication that Jisoo’s time is running out shuts Jeonghan up like a clam. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His fingers freeze against the wheel and it feels like something’s trying to claw its way out of his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The house is still pretty much intact, besides old cracks along the windows and overgrown weeds that curl around the old stone path leading up to the front. Jeonghan steps carefully along the steps, trying his best to not crush any innocent flowers underneath his feet. Most of them are dead due to it being freezing </span>
  <em>
    <span>balls</span>
  </em>
  <span> outside, but some of the tougher weeds are srprislingly intact, like a vague “fuck you” to nature for being so cold right now. Jisoo’s shoulder started hurting when he carried his bag, so now Jeonghan’s in the process of lugging two suitcases that feel like they weigh a ton each. Jisoo waits by the front door with a fond grin on his face, laughing when Jeonghan tosses the bags into the foyer with a grunt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m hungry,” Jisoo says, slipping his arms around Jeonghan’s waist. His eyes droop down a bit like he’s tired, but Jeonghan doesn’t comment. “Let’s eat something, we brought some food.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay with instant noodles? I really don’t have the energy to cook anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds delicious.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great. Just get the food from the car, I’ll move these bags up to our room and start unpacking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo nods. “See you in ten.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan waits for Jisoo to peck his cheek with a small kiss before staring at the bags in front of him, toppled over and awkwardly balanced on the step that leads into the actual house. Jeonghan’s back starts screaming in agony when he lugs them up again and silently curses the amount of cardigans that Jisoo owns, because the weight of those wool fuckers add up pretty quick. He would also like to further defend himself in saying that there’s really no need to bring that many on a four-day excursion, but it would just feel like an </span>
  <em>
    <span>excuse,</span>
  </em>
  <span> which Jeonghan is most definitely not making. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finds the room fairly easily and is slightly scared for the structure of the floor when he drops the bags again, landing with a loud boom that kind of rattles the armoire by the stack of floor mats for their bed later. Jeonghan winces but sighs and starts unpacking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven months. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s going to find a solution. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s no way that his story with Jisoo is ending this quick. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven months</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo isn’t leaving that easily. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seven months</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day slips past them quickly, with the sun setting fast during the winter hours. Jeonghan and Jisoo have finished dinner, tucked into their mats and squeezing into each other for warmth. The TV in front of them is quiet, almost muted, but once in a while the characters exclaim something and Jeonghan can hear their staticky voices from his spot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels himself falling asleep when Jisoo suddenly jerks like someone tased him and bolts up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo? Hey, are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo doesn’t respond, shaking his head and lurching unsteadily to his knees. He shakes again, though, so Jeonghan jumps forward to catch him before Jisoo hits the floor like a sack of flour. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jisoo whines out, voice strained against his throat. Jisoo squeezes the collar on Jeonghan’s shirt and curls into himself, crying and crying and crying. “I think I’m going to throw up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shhh,” Jeonghan lets out, sweeping Jisoo up into his arms in a bridal carry. Jisoo doesn’t complain and sobs into Jeonghan’s shoulder. “Do you need me to call an ambulance?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo shakes his head and Jeonghan brings him over to the bathroom. He sits down on the floor, Jisoo still pressed into his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What hurts, Jisoo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t know</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jisoo whispers, clutching Jeonghan’s arms like a lifeline. “Toilet, I n-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo scrambles out of Jeonghan’s grasp and somehow slides his way over to the toilet, pulling himself up roughly so he can retch into the bowl. Nothing comes out, but Jisoo’s neck looks like it might break with how hard he’s pushing empty air out of his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan wants to cry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If he could somehow trade places with Jisoo, he’d do it in a heartbeat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s crying doesn’t let up, and neither does his retching. He stops long enough to look over at Jeonghan with blurry eyes and a saliva-covered chin. “Get out, Jeonghan. Please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m staying here, you could hurt yourself -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get </span>
  <em>
    <span>out</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jeonghan, I don’t want you to see me li-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think that excuse is going to work on me? Do you think I care about what you </span>
  <em>
    <span>look</span>
  </em>
  <span> like right now? You’re dry-vomiting into the toilet and crying and you think I’m going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave</span>
  </em>
  <span> you right now? I’m sitting right here until you feel better, Jisoo, don’t be ridiculous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo grabs onto the toilet seat even harder than before, head hanging low with tears dripping down his cheeks. “B-but I’m dirty right now-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then we can just clean you up, okay?” Jeonghan sighs and steps towards the tub besides the sink and turns the faucet on, making sure to avoid the sudden spray of water. Jisoo looks like he’s about to say something but he goes into another round of gagging and Jeonghan goes back to Jisoo to rub gentle circles into his back. “I’ll tell you when the tub fills. Let’s get you out of these clothes now, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo nods slowly, but struggles to sit upright without the support of the toilet. Jeonghan sees that the tub isn’t even halfway full and decides he can let it run unsupervised for a while. He helps Jisoo strip his shirt off, and they struggle with the pants and underwear for a bit because Jisoo keeps falling down on his own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is embarrassing. I feel like a child who can’t do anything.” Jisoo pouts unhappily when he’s fully stripped and held up by Jeonghan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you should refer to yourself as a child while I’m holding you naked. That just makes this weird.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo glares but lets Jeonghan guide him into the tub. He sinks in slowly, sloshing water over the sides. Jeonghan’s pants immediately get soaked, but he can’t really be bothered to try and wipe the floor up. It’ll probably just get wetter, anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, I can do this part by myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And leave you to accidentally drown? No way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate that this is the first time I’m naked in front of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan holds the back of Jisoo’s head and dips it down enough that his hair gets soaked through. He pumps some shampoo into his hands before running it through Jisoo’s wet head. “I’m not. This is fun,” Jeonghan laughs and kisses the tip of Jisoo’s nose when a stray drop of water slips down his face. “And you’re cute.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just so you know, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>letting</span>
  </em>
  <span> you do this. You’re inexplicably good at washing hair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m very thankful for your graciousness.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, shut up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as Jeonghan wished the moment lasted forever, the bath ends pretty quickly because Jisoo gets cold. They make their way back over to the bedroom so he can change into thicker pajamas than before and Jeonghan takes the time to clean up the bathroom. It takes about ten minutes for them to reunite under the sheets, and the heated floor mats seem to be pouring out liquid warmth that gets sucked into their bodies and clothes. Jisoo looks considerably more tired, and his eyelids hang half-shut while he struggles to stare at the TV.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo, if you’re tired, we can just go to sleep. C’mon, I’ll turn off the lights. Does that sound okay? We need to get an early start in the morning, anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo nods drowsily, blinking heavily and drawing the blankets up around him a bit tighter. “Can we open a window? I know it’s cold outside but it feels really humid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, lemme get up,” Jeonghan says, walking over to the window. He opens it enough to let a slit of moonlight through, followed by a cool breeze that settles into the room almost right away. Jeonghan turns the lights off quickly and slips back into the mat, eyes blinking to get used to the dimness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s enough outside light for Jeonghan to be able to look at Jisoo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, you’re staring.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can’t help it. You’re too pretty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ew.” Jisoo rolls his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ever do that again, okay? Don’t tell me to leave if you’re hurting somewhere. Promise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo puts his head on Jeonghan’s outstretched arm and snuggles in closer when a particularly icy breeze blows through the window. “I promise, Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want a kiss. Consider it a stamp for sealing our deal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s eyes crinkle up in a smile. “Can we do a little bit more than that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll throw in a hug.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo narrows his eyes. “I can’t tell if you’re acting stupid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I can’t tell what you’re accusing me of.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan, let’s do it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sex, Jeonghan. Do you need me to spell it out? </span>
  <em>
    <span>S </span>
  </em>
  <span>is the first letter, followed by an </span>
  <em>
    <span>e</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and th-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean, like. Like. Um. R-right now? Like, clothes off and I get to touch you? Like, wherever I want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“D-do, um, do you not want to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s just that, I think I’m gonna cum right now from that sentence alone so we should, uh,  just not move for about five minutes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo laughs. “How is it possible that you are the hottest man to breathe on this planet but you act like the biggest fucking dork? It’s ridiculous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just unironically called me hot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I take it back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I can, see, oh! Look at that, I just did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan slides a hand under Jisoo’s shirt and splays his fingers out, gently grabbing onto his waist and using his thumb to brush along Jisoo’s bare skin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s soft. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo’s teasing smile disappears in a second and his eyes go wide, surprised by the touch but making no move to get away. He reciprocates by reaching a hand out and gently tracing the curve of Jeonghan’s cheekbone with a finger. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tickles</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jeonghan says to himself with a grin. He focuses on the slow movement of his own hand along the slim side of Jisoo’s body, over his hips and past the dip in his waist and then up to his ribs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan tries to ignore the jut of bones he feels underneath his palms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jisoo. I love you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their kiss is soft - </span>
  <em>
    <span>chaste</span>
  </em>
  <span>, something small and innocent, something too simple for what they’re about to do. Jeonghan follows Jisoo’s guide when he gets a tug on his sleeve commanding him to cage Jisoo in with his arms, one on either side of Jisoo’s head. He’s careful to keep his weight off of Jisoo, but it’s hard to stay focused when Jisoo’s pressing into him and sliding his legs around all over the place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Jeonghan pulls his lips almost reluctantly off of Jisoo’s collarbone so he can meet Jisoo’s eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be gentle, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo wraps his arms around Jeonghan’s neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His laugh </span>
  <em>
    <span>twinkles</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Leaves Jeonghan breathless, leaves Jeonghan so </span>
  <em>
    <span>desperate</span>
  </em>
  <span> for more, more, </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> - the greed is almost suffocating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s the plan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The field is too pretty to be a grave, Jeonghan thinks. He’s standing on a hill with Jisoo, looking down at the wild grass that grows in a rampage all around the house. If it were summer, there would be more color. There would be more flowers and plants and sunlight. But it’s not. It’s winter and it’s freezing and snow dusts over the dead land and kisses their foreheads and makes Jisoo shiver into Jeonghan’s chest a bit more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s still pretty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The shade of a thick and old tree looms over the two of them, casting a large shadow over the tombstones that are visible down below. If Jeonghan wanted to, he could lean back right against the trunk for support. He can’t seem to move, though, can’t do anything but stare at those stones. They’re a couple of meters away from the house, two neat slabs of marble placed on the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Does Jisoo want to be buried here</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not doing that right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo taps Jeonghan’s arm and Jeonghan forces his brain to shut up for a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m going to move back here. Just until - you know. Whenever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan’s thoroughly surprised, to say the least. Jisoo hadn’t mentioned this idea before. “Like, out of your apartment and into here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I  mean, I only have one more book left to write, and it feels nice to be away from the city and it’s quiet and I feel like I can hear myself think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a three hour drive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo pauses. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you, uh - would you want to move in with me? I know it’s sudden, but we aren’t strangers and I don’t know, we’ve rushed everything else. Why stop now? I guess?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan puts his chin on top of Jisoo’s shoulder and tightens his hug. Jisoo’s back is flush against Jeonghan’s front now, but their parkas make it a bit bulky. “I want to. That sounds good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s probably getting repetitive at this point, but I’ve missed out on being with you for my whole life and if I have the chance to be with you more, then I’m going to take it. Plus I don’t want you coughing yourself into dust like yesterday.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo smiles and turns around, with the flopping hat on his head sliding down his face. Jeonghan pushes it up so he can look at Jisoo properly. “Thank you, Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan responds with a small kiss on Jisoo’s freezing cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get back inside, Jisoo. I’m cold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Weakling.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Okay. I see how this is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan throws Jisoo over his shoulder and marches down the hill, stomping as hard as he can on his way down. Jisoo laughs with a certain childish delight every time Jeonghan takes a particularly harsh step and goes bouncing down the next couple feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan takes a picture in his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The snow, falling down silently overhead and painting the already-barren canvas of land in a pretty shade of white. The old-fashioned house, with its side room sliding doors open and ready to invite the two of them back in. Whispers of wind zipping through their hair, telling them to be careful, winter is harsh and unforgiving and the heavy quietness that seems to flood the atmosphere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jisoo still laughing happily, slung over Jeonghan’s body like a large pillow. The fabric of Jisoo’s parka rubs against Jeonghan’s cheek and it promises to absorb Jeonghan’s tears before they get inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just has to remember this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon’s POV</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jihoon, how are the covers coming for this month’s releases? I want to start talking about the Christmas specials.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon pretends that the velvety timbre of Seungcheol’s voice didn’t just catch him off guard by coughing into a fist. “Um, fine. They’re coming along fine. Faster than I thought, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, great. Let me take out the rough drafts for the cover arctic - shoot!” Seungcheol digs through his briefcase, propping it up on his knee while he rifles through the sheets and folders in there like the drafts are just going to magically appear if he looks hard enough. “Crap, I must’ve left them at home. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon averts his eyes because Seungcheol’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>pouting</span>
  </em>
  <span> right now, for crying out loud. “It’s fine, you can just give it to me tomorrow. We have time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, the deadline’s Monday to approve the drafts and I don’t have a scanner at home to send you the pictures.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just text me pictures from your phone,” Jihoon suggests, trying to think of a way to calm Seungcheol down. He’s not good at this kind of stuff. “Or you can just give them to me tomorrow. Saturdays aren’t the end of the world.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol looks surprised, like he hasn’t considered the idea of meeting Jihoon outside of work to give him the drafts (or any reason) until now. Jihoon regrets it immediately, though, because the thought of having to spend </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>time with the guy who doesn’t even know he exists scares him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you’re right! I’ll call you tomorrow morning to give you a loc-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol stps in the middle of his sentence long enough for Jihoon to wonder what’s happening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seungcheol, are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just come over now to get them! I’ll make dinner, too. We can discuss the drafts, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon would die if he could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea, just give them to me tomorrow, Seungcheol. It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, really, I insist! It’ll be fun, I’ll make some kind of pasta. Oh, or maybe korean food would be better?” Seungcheol walks towards the exit and motions for Jihoon to hurry up and follow. “C’mon, grab your stuff and you can tell me what you’d like to eat on our way down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon’s glad there’s nothing in his hand that’s breakable because he suddenly wants to throw something against the wall. He should be beyond happy that this is happening, should be ecstatic that Seungcheol is acknowledging his existence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But all he feels is a rolling wave of nausea filling up the pits of his stomach like some kind of slowly-expanding cotton, soaking up any of the good butterflies and melting them into pure and utter anxiety.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not until he gets into the elevator when Jihoon remembers he forgot to send a text off to Hansol saying that he doesn’t need a ride home today. He takes his phone out and relays the message over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s about to put his phone away when the notification bell goes off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan? He’s with Jisoo right now, what could he want?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He taps the banner quickly and reads the message properly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: Guess what. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: No. I’m scared to guess. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: I pushed the dates for the manuscript. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: I have no idea what you’re talking about right now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: You did not. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: There’s no way that you’re responsible for this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: I told Director Park in publishing that it would be better to work faster. He moved the deadline up to Tuesday, but I told him Monday would be better since I knew Seungcheol wouldn’t have the documents on time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: I’m a fucking genius, this isn’t even funny how good I am at this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: You are a SCAMMER is what you ARE. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: Dude. Dude. You’re ruining my life. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: Stop. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: rrevoEEEKKE THIS SOMEHOW. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: Wow, look at you using improper grammar and spelling. You must be pissed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: owijfJWHAT THE FUCO ISK WRONG WITH YOU??? HOW DID YOU EVEKKN KNOW THAT SEUNGHCEOL WOULD BINRNG ME BACK TO HIS PLACE???</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: Wait, you’re going back to his place? I just thought he’d ask you to meet tomorrow at a cafe or something. Wow. Working fast, I see. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: I fucking HATE YOU, JEONGHAN! EAT ASS. EATTTTTT ASSSSSS. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: Jisoo tastes too good for that to be a punishment :) </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: I’m going to commit a murder-suicide and you will be the murder and I will be the suicide. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: Stop texting me and get dicked down. I swear to god you yell so much. Now I’m gonna leave so I can go stare at Jisoo while he changes into his Pororo pajamas. You would not believe how intergalactic his ass looks in those stripes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: How are you so fucked in the head I’ve got to warn Jisoo to get out of this relationship you’re a toxic whore.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hannie: Yeah. Sure. Bye! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: REVERSE THIS, JEONGHAN, I CANOTOWEJFJ BE ALONE IWHTI HIM !</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: Hello? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: Be prepared for your return for I shall not be meeting you with grace. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hoonie: Fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmkin’s POV</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Lee, someone’s on line two ringing for you. Should I patch them through?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin looks up from his laptop screen and squints when he can’t make out who’s talking to him. He blames the contacts. They’re making his eyes sore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that’d be great,” Seokmin says, and decides that the general figure and voice of this mystery being must be Chan. Plus, he’s the only one polite enough to call him </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mr. Lee</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so. “Do you know who it is?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t recognize the number, sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright, send the call through,” Seokmin picks up the office phone on his desk and holds it up to his ear. “Hello, Lee Seokmin of A-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, it’s me, Jeonghan. Look, is everyone there? In the office?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeonghan? Where are you calling me from?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stupid signal doesn’t work out here so I bought a temporary flip phone until the wifi people can make it out here and set up a router.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. And um, yeah. Who do you mean by everyone?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“List them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me, Minghao, Jihoon, Jun, and Seungcheol. Why, did something happen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um, kind of. Can you put me on speaker?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, hold on,” Seokmin presses the speaker button and sets the phone down. Turning his head to the office, he says, “Guys, it’s Jeonghan. He has an announcement to make.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone turns towards the phone and Minghao grins. “Hey, Jeonghan! How’s it going?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great, it’s all good, Hao. Cold, but good. Look, I have something to tell you guys.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t pregnant, are you?” Minghao says, laughing at his own joke. Jun stifles a giggle and Jihoon rolls his eyes so hard that Seokmin’s skull kind of hurts just watching it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’d be funny, though, ha ha. I’m moving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was just a joke,” Minghao mutters, pouting when Jihoon glares at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? No, I mean, I’m literally moving. With Jisoo. Into the home we’re using right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin sits up in his seat, crossing his arms a bit tighter. “His parents’ place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup. You know, just until. Yeah. Um. Yeah. That’s the plan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dude! That’s so great! We’ll miss you!” Jun says, holding up his hand formed in the shape of a heart like Jeonghan can see what he’s doing. “You’ll come visit us for Christmas, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course. I’m still keeping my place, so don’t worry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon scoffs. “Maybe you should just stay there forever, Jeonghan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeonghan cooes over their receiver. “Aw, is someone mad that their crush won’t l-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye!” Jihoon reaches over the divider and slams the phone down into its spot. The line beeps a couple of times before Seokmin hears the call cut off. Jihoon clears his throat and pats down his chest, like he’s trying to wipe invisible dust off of himself. “Well. That was fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seokmin can only raise an amused brow. “Sure was.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungcheol beams like a child. “Aw, you like someone? Who is it? Who? Is it someone in this office?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jihoon takes a step back and closes his eyes. “I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then runs out of the office like his feet have been set on fire. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeonghan, what did you do this time?</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i cannot for the LIFE OF ME remember if i already wrote jihan attempting to move in together so if i did just accept that as my mistake i can't find it TT TT</p><p>this was a long chapter ! to write and to edit. for some reason i couldn't really see what direction i wanted this to take so i rewrote this like a million times before settling for this version. i myself am a big fan of hannie and hoonie's texting antics lol. </p><p>hope you guys enjoyed! love you all be safe wear masks and be happy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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